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Geek Culture / Programmer jokes

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Eddie Gordo
21
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Joined: 14th Jan 2003
Location: Ohio - USA
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 20:45 Edited at: 20th Jun 2003 20:54
The world must be closed source because i see it happening but i dont know how or why

how do you great people at a programmer convention?
"Hello World!"

yep theyre stupid lets see some good ones

In our hearts and minds we keep the powers of love, hope and the hidden powers of evil in which we can mold a hero or daemon of ourselves-Book of Enoch Chapter III
Flashing Blade
22
Years of Service
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Joined: 19th Oct 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 22:10
How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old one.

How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's problem."

How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
"You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!"

How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ...
andrew11
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 23rd Feb 2003
Location: United States
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 22:24 Edited at: 20th Jun 2003 22:37
Lol @the last one

I didn't write this:
Get music here: http://members.tripod.com/~CHIT_2/mids-2/LETITBE.MID



I didn't write these either.
> Q: Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
> A: Because it is below C level.

> The term "algorithm" is named after Al Gore, vice-president of the
> United States.

> The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

"All programmers are playwrites and all computers are lousy actors" -Anon
Click Here!!!
Shady Simpson
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 15th Mar 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 23:04 Edited at: 20th Jun 2003 23:05
(not a programmers joke but still a canny blonde one)

there was a blonde and she was sick of all the abuse she got so she dyed her hair brunette.

She then went to a shepherd and said:

blonde: If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock can I keep one of them?

shepherd: well.. erm, OK then.

blonde: (thinking hard) 276

shepherd: (in amazement) Exactly right

blonde: YAY * This brunette thing works great! *

the blonde walks away holding her new sheep

shepherd: if I can guess your natural hair colour...
can I have my dog back?

darkCorridor
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 27th Jan 2003
Location:
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 23:13
lol

[br]mikey
Rob K
Retired Moderator
22
Years of Service
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Joined: 10th Sep 2002
Location: Surrey, United Kingdom
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 23:30
Quote: "How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?"


None, they redefine "light" as dark.

Do you want Windows menus in your DBP apps? - Get my plugin: http://snow.prohosting.com/~clone99/downloads/tpc_menus_103.zip
BatVink
Moderator
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 4th Apr 2003
Location: Gods own County, UK
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 23:35
So...

a car breaks down. Actually, the brakes fail, and it careers down the mountainside at a great rate. Luckily, it comes to a standstill all by itself, after ploughing through a field of long grass. The 3 occupants realise just how lucky they are.

The first is a manager. He quickly gets everyone together and decides to call a meeting to decide what to do next.

The engineer soon overules this. He simply wants to get under the car, fix it and carry on their way.

The programmer has a better idea...

"We'll push it back up the hill, try again and if it fails a second time, then we'll look at it!"

Thanks in advance.
All the Best,
StevieVee
CrayZemon
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 16th Jun 2003
Location: United States
Posted: 20th Jun 2003 23:50
You know you're a game programmer when:

1. You count the pixel area of the sunset.
2. You live on coffee, Mountain Dew, and pizza and hardly gain any weight.
3. You like the fireworks of your screen saver better than the ones on the 4th of July.

There's a host of other ones, but I can't seem to remember any more.

"I need gopher-chucks!!"
Arrow
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 1st Jan 2003
Location: United States
Posted: 21st Jun 2003 04:04
Don't know about that fireworks, around here the local firfighters will fire a dud (no fireworks, just a BIG bang) at the end end of the show. You haven't lived untill you feel a shockwave from 30 yards (I can get in closer cuz I know one of thier sons).

Teenage Male Geek + Female Remotly Intersted in Common Geek Activities = Teenage Male Jackass
Solidz Snake
22
Years of Service
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Joined: 23rd Oct 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 23rd Jun 2003 04:18 Edited at: 23rd Jun 2003 04:19


Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

Eric T
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 7th Apr 2003
Location: My location is where I am at this time.
Posted: 23rd Jun 2003 05:00
damn binary dman it to hell!!!!!!!!!!1

snootchie bootchies- Jay from Jay and Silent Bob
spooky
22
Years of Service
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Joined: 30th Aug 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 23rd Jun 2003 14:47
cut 'n' pasted this from somewhere:

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?" "I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for sex.... But a talking frog is pretty neat."

Gronda, Gronda
Solidz Snake
22
Years of Service
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Joined: 23rd Oct 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 23rd Jun 2003 14:50
LMAO!!!

Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

spooky
22
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Joined: 30th Aug 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 23rd Jun 2003 14:50
An artist, a lawyer, and a programmer are discussing the merits of a mistress.

An artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.

A lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

The programmer says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

Gronda, Gronda
Eddie Gordo
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 14th Jan 2003
Location: Ohio - USA
Posted: 23rd Jun 2003 17:54
LMAO yo all x-d

In our hearts and minds we keep the powers of love, hope and the hidden powers of evil in which we can mold a hero or daemon of ourselves-Book of Enoch Chapter III

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