Hi guys! CoD here...just want to tell you a bit about myself:
-Spawn in the middle of a battle, shoot and get points. Repeat until death. Then repeat until death again.
-If you feel that you aren't getting enough points, feel free to swap to annoying, OP weapons such as claymores and noobtubes: no skill required
-Another player better than you? That's ok! Our carefully designed 'balanced' killstreak system makes sure that if you are losing, you can never ever come back.
-And if you verse someone good enough, we might even give you the honour of not being able to play the game at all. Anyone who gets a 25 killstreak can choose to end the game instantly at their will; because if you don't have 2000 hours game time and no job, you don't deserve to keep playing
-Need to get into an enemy building? Easy! Just get out your RPG, blow down a wall, rush in and surprise any camping enemy inside

Oh no wait...that's a different game. You will just have to go in through the front door while 2 12 year olds sit motionless with their grenade launchers aimed at it. Enjoy your lead.
-If getting killed by enemy 12 year olds isn't enough for you, we can put a few in your team to keep you company as well

They are the backbone of our dedicated player base and will make sure that all the "hardscopers" (and their mums) get all the yelling and screaming over mic they deserve.
-What? You're saying you actually want to do cool stuff? That's crazy talk. Why would anyone want to pilot a chopper or fighter jet? As if you would want to roll your heavy armour through the streets and change the tide of battle for your team! What you need is lots of mines and attack dogs to go out and do the killing for you while you sit there doing nothing. That is what makes me so great
If a tree falls in the forest and kills a woman - Wait.... why the hell is there a forest in the kitchen?