I had a listen, couple of crits (apologies for my lack of musical terms):
I really liked it up until the 00:15 mark when the other instrument (guitar?) came in. I could imagine it playing in the background of a time-limited fps game.
In my opinion the track gets far too busy, especially around 01:00, I'd remove most of the instruments and keep it basic. 01:05 through to 02:20 is fine but then the almost cheesy tune starts again which ruins the mood.
I'm not an expert in music and this is just my initial impression.
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