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FPSC Classic Work In Progress / Onyx: Intergalactic Battleground

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Tempest
16
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Joined: 17th Feb 2009
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Posted: 22nd Feb 2009 18:02
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You were made for this. You have trained for this. You should succeed. But something doesn't seem right about this place.

Story: In the year 2035, you, the geneticly and mentally enhanced "Supersoldier" codenamed Tempest I were built for war. But not this kind of war. Ever since 1947 this war has been going on in the background, kept secret by the government. As it turns out, most major events were because of this war. The Roswell Crash, The Twin Towers, Afganistan, Terrorism, Everything. But this war wasnt with humans. It was with a Collective of inter-demensional aliens codenamed "Excalibur Force." Many have died in the war so far. You were pulled into training at the age of four, turned you into what you are today. But you are only human, right? Yes, only human on the inside. You are vulnerable. But you are determined to make it out alive.

Setting: On the alien-tech based starship ID number N-550, On Earth, And Then the twisted "Battlefield Simulation" Virtual Planet Called Onyx.

Screens:


Bunker room on the N-550, level 1


Former Marine, ouch, level 1


Dang, its a Shredder! level 1


The first enemy you fight, slasher down. level 1


Military officer denver. level 1

Hope you like it so far, will improve. c&c appreciated.
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Mr Bigglesworth
17
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Joined: 4th Mar 2008
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Posted: 22nd Feb 2009 20:37
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I really like your story, screens are okay, but why would you have a mp40 in the near future, unless it was remade better in the near future, it's your call though.

I used to be GERM, but I got a NaMe ChaNgE.
In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream!
Or can they?
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Tempest
16
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Joined: 17th Feb 2009
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Posted: 22nd Feb 2009 20:55
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Im using the mp40 as a stand in until I can get a better weapon in a similar style of the mp40. Oh, and thx, I have spent many nights dreaming and coming up with the story, if i posted the whole thing one post would last for twenty pages
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Bendak11
16
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Joined: 2nd Aug 2008
Location: The bush in your front yard.
Posted: 22nd Feb 2009 21:13
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Well, you have NO lighting that I can see at all. You're using WW2 soldiers and weapons in a futuristic enviroment, and for some odd reasons there is the letter "L" on all of you're walls...

Not to be harsh, but besides for the mutant all you have is stock media, BIG EMPTY rooms, and a complete lack of lighting.

You can find some nice sci-fi characters in Cosmic Prophet's MEGA SCI-FI pack 2 in the models and media. Not only that, but it's full of segments, entities, and tons of awesome stuff that would go great with the mutant character.

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Butt monkey
18
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Joined: 7th Dec 2006
Location: Scotland
Posted: 22nd Feb 2009 21:35
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I agree. The game has no lighting and is completely empty. If you want to seriously post your game up here don't use stock segments as they look really cheap. You need to decide if your going for sci-fi or not. You can't just throw in a bunch of ww2 entities in sci-fi rooms and hope it looks interesting...
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Tempest
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Posted: 22nd Feb 2009 22:02
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That is just my first level at the time of hte screenshots. im still working on the lighting, i was trying to add it earlier today, but it crashed on me. And plus, those are just the marines on that ship. updating as we speak (type).
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Tempest
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Posted: 22nd Feb 2009 22:55
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Ok here are some updated screenshots: (Got the screenshot program working again)


Poor Soldier... level 1


N-550 hallway

thats all atm. screens from the second level, prob better, coming soon.
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djmaster
User Banned
Posted: 23rd Feb 2009 20:03
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the lights have no light source,place a light entity then place the light marker just in front of it and tone down the light range a bit down to 300,or 250.that skeleton is sitting in the middle of the room,if it would be real life,he would be lying down so put him in a corner,and big rooms with no entities just dont look right,so if you can improve these things you might just make a nice level

A.K.A. djmaster
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Tempest
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Posted: 23rd Feb 2009 22:18 Edited at: 23rd Feb 2009 22:25
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fixing that now, and here are some pictures from teh current version of level 2 (Thx cosmic prophet!)


ahhh, the public market, so, destroyed... (there is a red flickering light there, i just caught it when it was off


Some signs of life, er, death.


Low mortgage rates! (not like they matter anymore)


on fire

oh, and there is a reason that there isnt much on the first level, the aliens attacked earth and it was an evac ship, so they had to leave qickly and barely made it o before it took off, am adding some more stuff also, it;s just not done yet, WIP
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Bendak11
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Joined: 2nd Aug 2008
Location: The bush in your front yard.
Posted: 23rd Feb 2009 23:13
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Why do you have so many parking meters if the streets don't lead anywhere... Once again, just a bunch of big empty space... Now the character has hands, but he doesn't in level one.

Not to be harsh at all, but this does need A LOT of work.

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Tempest
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Posted: 23rd Feb 2009 23:58
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um... i know it does, im working on filling the empty space, and the streets WILL lead somewhere, im just not done yet. and the ones i want to cut off will have utnnels with invisible walls. im trying to make it better, its just that there really arent many weaons wiht hands, and my mom screams whenever i ask for something over $20
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Bendak11
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Posted: 24th Feb 2009 02:03
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Well, you may consider spacing them out at least. Three cars couldn't even fit into that small of a space unless they were those hideous "Smart Cars."

Plus, if you can get some free fences (wooden, wrought, idc) it would really help to fill up the area IMO.

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Marc Steene
FPSC Master
19
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Joined: 27th Mar 2006
Location: Bahrain
Posted: 24th Feb 2009 07:35
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The storyline sounds a lot like Halo tbh..

"geneticly and mentally enhanced "Supersoldier" codenamed Tempest built for war"

"Bred for combat, built for war" + if you read the books you would know that anyway

"It was with a Collective of inter-demensional aliens codenamed"

"eventually came to know as the Covenant, a collective of alien races united in their fanatical religious devotion"

"You were pulled into training at the age of four, turned you into what you are today."

Thats pretty much copy and paste from Halo's storyline

(Bold stuff is official)

This story has already done, and the finished product will be 100 times better than what is produced by FPSC. Seriously, change the storyline.

Also, Onyx is a planet in the Halo Universe aswell, take a look at the book "Ghosts of Onyx"

Migration Discussion Thread: http://forum.thegamecreators.com/?m=forum_view&t=142497&b=21
Piracy Discussion Thread:
http://forum.thegamecreators.com/?m=forum_view&t=142774&b=21
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Tempest
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Posted: 24th Feb 2009 13:25
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gah, i know the onyx thingm there is more to the storyline and hey, since my game apparently sucks, ill just give up yet again.
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Asteric
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Location: Geordie Land
Posted: 24th Feb 2009 18:59
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Hey, thats not really the attitude to have if you wish to make a game, my advice is take peoples comments and simply improve on what you think is correct

Sci-Fi Tank
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Butt monkey
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Posted: 24th Feb 2009 19:07
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Wow. If you can't take the crit then don't upload your game to the forum...
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Asteric
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Posted: 24th Feb 2009 19:10
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After all, the crit is only there to help you, not to put you down in any way

Sci-Fi Tank
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Bendak11
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Posted: 24th Feb 2009 23:23
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In your first post, at the bottom you say

Quote: "c&c welcome"

I was giving you my "c&c" to help make your game better. If you felt that I was being too harsh, or you thought my tone was... I don't know, mean I guess, then keep making huge, empty, unlighted spaces. The community is here to help you, not hurt.

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