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Geek Culture / Cyberpunk (short story by xSync)

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PAGAN_old
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Posted: 17th Apr 2013 01:16 Edited at: 19th Apr 2013 04:52
A friend wrote a short story which i thought was really good so i decided to translate it from Russian to English and share it with you guys

Cyberpunk

Written By xSync
Transtlated by CryptFS (aka PAGAN)

I was standing on a roof and looking down. I was looking at the city and it was beautiful- like never before. Closer to the evening the blizzard got stronger, forcing everyone off the streets. By midnight the sidewalks were covered with a thick layer of fresh-fallen snow. Sometimes a path of footprints will cut across the smooth layer. The streets were silent and empty- just the way I like it. The 20th floor rooftop opens to a beautiful view-flooded with soft orange light as if it was glowing from the inside lighting up the air. Silence, - only rarely broken with distant scraping of shovels against ice and pavement. Long streets gradually blend in with the distant mixture of polluted air and snow.
The whole focus of this beautiful view is the blizzard. Tiny crystals of snow reflect light from street lamps spilling it everywhere. The reflection of the orange street light causes the air to glow filling the entire city with a sepia effect of an old photograph. And the city is covered in silence, - an urban silence.
Standing on a rooftop gazing at the scenery, I tormented myself with a question – Where have I seen this before? Everything that was below my feet, all the distant sounds of cars and police sirens, the sound of a snow shovel scraping against the pavement, the wind howling trough a web of wires- all of it was very familiar. As if it happened before.
Then I remembered: when I was 16-17 years old – I loved to read. Well I still love reading today, but to be honest, I don’t have the time. I grew up. Work, education attempts, well you know…
But back then I really loved to read. Around that age I discovered the cyberpunk genera.
William Gibson, Jeff Noon, Bruce Sterling. If these names don’t ring any bells, then I will briefly explain: cyberpunk world has no free information, everything is controlled by evil corporations and the main character is some looser like me. Although often have a brilliant mind unlike me. Back then the dark world of multimillion metropolises of the future seemed romantic in a way.
And then I lost the genera to myself. Became “civil”, - as the nonconformists say. School, work, etc. Didn’t have any time for books, hobbies and nonconformist lifestyle. I became an adult. I tried being more responsible. I tried to keep my promises, and was disappointed with myself when I failed to do so. Looked for jobs, got fired and so on. Basically I became the average person, with an average repetitive boring life, not like the books at all.
I forgot that dark city from the book. The city where it always rained.
Eventually I found a full time job. The job has to do with networking. I found out what absence of the web does to people. I swear I had an easier time dealing with heroin junkie on withdrawal. People start turning into massive, hysterical, saliva-spraying and foot-stomping nasty five year old children. It’s like they start having withdrawal effects if they happen to NOT be in the net. Its no joke, it is in fact a real addiction.
Walking trough attics and rooftops is dangerous. I remember how it was like ten years ago. Now you have to walk twisting and ducking and almost holding your breath or you might accidentally tear a fiber optic comm. - line and they are extremely fragile. And there wasn’t as much copper wires like in the modern day where every attic is tangled up with literally hundreds of wires. Its good that once in a while they are tied to a mount line.
I am not a “computer guy”, still, I often have to learn new networking standards and protocols, tunneling, encryption etc. I am not a hacker like in those books and I don’t believe in evil corporations from them as well. My government simply decides for me – what I can read/hear/know, and why should they not? I am forced to find my way around government’s attempts to “safeguard” the net. Probably because my interests expand beyond that of a common citizen.
My character is ruined because I played around with stimulants too much. I became intolerable. I am Jack- the configurator. I am Charlie-root. An incomplete console cowboy.
A command line interface is unfolded on the screen not just for showing off but because often it’s the only way to breathe life into hardware that you still need. GUI gets the job done and isn’t found everywhere. Before I argued with this point but now I understand- console is sometimes easier to use.
I am not a professional. I am a hobbyist.
Should we pray to the machine god?
I am standing on a rooftop overlooking a city filled with soft orange light, -and I think I saw this somewhere before.
A military olive jacket protects from the wind and the cold,- I am not in a hurry. I am not cold.
I am looking at the city and the sky. I remember how incredibly blue the sky is in the mountains. How dark like a bottomless pit it is in Crimea.
Am I mistaken or did the city sky become the color of a television screen tuned to an empty channel?
The future is now?
Well it doesn’t matter. Network- is a part of me. I am part of the network.
Did cyberpunk already arrive?

dont hate people who rip you off,cheat and get away with it, learn from them
Libervurto
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Posted: 17th Apr 2013 04:23 Edited at: 17th Apr 2013 04:27
I started to edit it but I stopped after the first paragraph because it got disappointingly dull after that:


I stood atop the roof and looked down at the city, it was beautiful, like never before. The side-walks were covered by a thick blanket of freshly-fallen snow bathed in a soft orange glow and pocketed here and there by trails of footprints. As evening approached the blizzard grew stronger clearing the streets of pedestrians and filling in their tracks as if to erase them from memory. Long streets faded into the distance through a fog of smog and snow. Streams of tiny snowflakes drifted under street lamps and sprang into a golden bloom. By midnight the streets were empty and silent, a silence only broken by the distant scraping of shovels against ice and pavement. It was beautiful...


I actually did a bit more:



PAGAN_old
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Posted: 17th Apr 2013 04:41
I know my translation could be a lot better since this is my first time doing something like this since i went to English classes as a kid It could be translated a lot better i know, but for now i pretty much left it word for word excluding parts that sounded bad or grammatically incorrect in English in which case i rewrote it differently from scratch while leaving the purpose of that part as it was.

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mr Handy
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Posted: 17th Apr 2013 13:40 Edited at: 17th Apr 2013 13:42
Quote: "Silence, -"




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Wolf
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Posted: 18th Apr 2013 14:22
It feels like it has been written by a very young writer and therefore doesn't resonate as well with me. I like the general idea that we do live in a cyberpunk universe a lot like it has been depicted in the 80's,depending on your country

Your translation uses "I am" a bit too often and tends to start sentences with "I". I never red english prose but in german thats one of the big no-nos.

Quote: "Did cyberpunk already here?"


Grammar!

It feeds a little too much exposition to the reader without really getting into any. To be honest, it feels like a loadingscreen text (remember loading screens?) to a game that is about to show us what its talking about.

In the end! I'm just trying to be a pretentious moose here because I am halfway done with my first novel by now and feel entitled



-Wolf

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Nickydude
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Posted: 18th Apr 2013 17:04
Wolf, you need to be careful when correcting someone's grammar:

Quote: "I never read english prose but in german thats one of the big no-nos. "




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Dark Frager
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Posted: 18th Apr 2013 20:15 Edited at: 18th Apr 2013 20:16
And:

Quote: "I never red English prose but in German that's one of the big no-nos. "


Sorry! I know you're not English but the more you know...

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Wolf
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Posted: 18th Apr 2013 23:15
Oh no! Why did I summon the grammar police apocalypse

I had it coming though

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mr Handy
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Posted: 18th Apr 2013 23:22
Quote: "Oh no! Why did I summon the grammar police apocalypse?
I had it coming though."

Punctuation!

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PAGAN_old
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Posted: 19th Apr 2013 05:03 Edited at: 19th Apr 2013 05:04
I always had trouble with punctuation and the punctuation grammar is slightly different in Russian. And its the first time i actually translated something like this so there are things wrong with it but the guy who wrote it asked me to post it while i warned him that people will probably not like it that much.

I thought this story was pretty good when i first read it but when i started translating it i realized that it has problems and inst that good and the only reason why i liked it in the first place is because its sort of related to my job so i kind of relate to the main character a bit.

I didnt expect you guys to like it, maybe hate it less than anyone else but whatever..

also this is unedited and probably wont be edited any more.

One thing i agree with in the story is Cyberpunk has pretty much arrived. Its no longer science fiction.

dont hate people who rip you off,cheat and get away with it, learn from them
Wolf
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Posted: 19th Apr 2013 13:13
I think whoever xSync is could have potential if he practices a little Again, I dont know how his style is in russian.

There are many workshops and websites that help you structure your writing.

But yes! I really enjoy the new century now that its really kicking off! Compare 1913 to 1950! I wonder what we'll witness in this, our lifetime
Think about our generation of MP3 Players. Its a miracle and nobody cares



-Wolf

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Without struggle,no progress and no result.Every breaking of habit produces a change in the machine.
PAGAN_old
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Posted: 19th Apr 2013 23:52
Quote: "Its a miracle and nobody cares "

I care
xSync has a good style in my opinion. its another matter that that style might not work for English.

dont hate people who rip you off,cheat and get away with it, learn from them
mr Handy
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Posted: 20th Apr 2013 00:20
IMO story is too short :/

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Libervurto
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Posted: 20th Apr 2013 02:05
I really liked the opening but then it went off into "I do A, B, C for a job, blah blah blah cyberpunk. END." I also feel like he repeated himself quite a bit, that's why I rewrote the opening paragraph to filter it down.


PAGAN_old
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Posted: 20th Apr 2013 20:22
Quote: " I also feel like he repeated himself quite a bit"

i told him the same thing

dont hate people who rip you off,cheat and get away with it, learn from them

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