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This is a personal story of my year. I wrote as a way to put it behind me but I feel like it should be shared. Let people know they aren't alone. It is worth the read so please take the time. Thanks.

My Story

Chapter 1: The First Offense

It was last summer around this time it was just another hot sunny day in Texas. I decided I was going to go chill at a friends house. I'm going to keep this friends name disclosed just for his privacy so for the story lets just call him Jack. I had recently met Jack right before school ended as he had just moved into the area. Me and him instantly clicked and became great friends and were hanging out and talking all the time. He was one of those friends you could tell anything to and not worry about being judged or going around and gossiping about it. Anyways we decided to go on a walk towards a middle school in the middle of the day. Bad mistake. Walking around in the heat for an hour really makes you thirsty. So we thought well were by the school maybe it is open and we can get some water. So we were walking around checking every door one by one. Finally a man saw as trying to enter and let us in to the building. I am still unsure who this man was as he did not work there and he soon disapeared. So Jack and I got some water and went to the bathroom. Afterwards we decided to walk around the school since it was air conditioned and going outside in the heat again sounded like a terrible idea. Soon we found ourselves on the schools stage messing with the furniture and props along with the microphone and other things. Nothing harmful just having a little fun. Finally we got bored of doing these simple things and wasn't finding the stuff very fun. So we headed over to the gym. This is were the worst of the mistakes started. We opened the closet with all the balls and found a baseball. We went around and smashed the [mod edit] out of one of the schools clocks with it. Oh what fun it was! Now underneath the clock was a fire extingusher. The genious I am I pointed out and thought up the idea of spraying it. So Jack and I grabed the fire extingusher took out the pin and started running around the gym spraying it. It was some awesome looking stuff. The gym fogged up and it looked [mod edit] awesome. But the chemicals from the fire extingusher made it unberable to stay in the gym because of the smell and taste. So we headed to the next open room. Which just happened to be the theater arts room. So much stuff in there! First we got on the computer and started playing some music. We then found spray paint and had a little fun with that. Then we through all the papers around the room and had a war with pencils. There was so much to do in that room. Putting on wigs, blow up baloons and so on. We even found a 12 pack of sodas but they were flat so we poured are sodas out on the floor. Finally he got a call from his parents to come home and help with the grocerys. So we take off and head back to his house. We did as his parents said and instantly left again right back to the school. We got there messed with a bit more [mod edit] and then left through a window. We left the window partly open so we could enter another day. ENTER ANOTHER DAY. Yea great [mod edit] idea re-enter a school you just vandilized. Not thinking a week later we re-enter the school and bump into the principal. She pulled Jack over to her office and let me go. After about 20 minutes of waiting Jack came out from the school. I confronted him and he beared terrible news. We were busted. They had evidence on us and had already suspected us. There were already charges being pressed. A whole month goes by when the police finally arrive at my door. I answered it and talked to them myself. I of course wouldn't tell them anything and denyed everything. They left after about 20 minutes of me not cooperating. Tip: Never cooperate with a police officer and never believe them if they say you won't get in as much or any trouble if you tell the truth. Your an idiot if you believe that. Anyways they left and my parents were flipping out. I was on a lockdown. I could do nothing at all. School finally starts and a week into it I get called down to the office. An officer is there and pulls me aside and tells me that I am being charged for "Criminal Mistchif" and told me more boring stuff that no one cares about. I went through the finger printing which they treated me as if I was retarted. I know how to roll my [mod edit] fingers myself so keep your hands off me [mod edit]. Anyways this passed and another week passes. Once again I am called to the office. The school bored decided that Jack and I deserved 30 days in LEO. Which if you don't know is an alternative school for "bad kids". Soon after that I have my first meeting set up with my probation officer. Since it was my first offence they were not going to give me court instead send me through a program that was supposed to "set me straight" anyways I pulled my whole "good kid" act through some lies around and soon was off the hook. No probation. All I had to do was pay a simple fee of around $175 which was totally worth it. So I finished up LEO which in my opinion was not bad at all. I didn't have to deal with drama and other peoples [mod edit] and my grades were actually good. For the first time I had all A's. Anyways like everyone else I had to return back to public school. I stepped back on campus for some reason 1 day earlier then Jack even though we were sent there at the same time. Anyways back on topic I walked into the halls really not knowing what to expect but it turns out a few people actually did miss me. I didn't really think anyone cared. This allowed me to see who was actually my friends cause the fakes didn't greet me or even realize I was gone. [mod edit]. Anyways the school year goes on and its pretty average. Average grades. Average girlfriends. Average everything. Just another school year. Well it actually all changes around the 2nd semester of the school year. But that is a different story.

Chapter 2: The Girl
This story is about a girl. I'm not going to say her name just for privacy reasons. So today we will call her uhhh Lizzy. The 2nd semester of the school year had just started. Classes were getting switched up and she ended up in my health class along with a couple of her other friends. She had been in my biology class all year. We talked a little nothing serious. She was cool and all I just didn't know her that well then. I wish I had gotten to know her more sooner though. Anyways there was no one else in that health class that I really knew that much and knowig that Lizzy hung out in the same group as me I instantly started to sit by her. We talked and talked constantly. We were becoming great friends. Really getting along. She really wanted to hang out with me but she wasn't nessasarily a "good kid" and my parents are very strict about who I am friends with. Anyways after a few months of talking all the time and always listening to her problems and trying to comfort her and make her happy I begin to see her differently every day. I looked forward to going to school just so I could see her. I would walk around by myself passing by the bus doors waiting for her bus to arrive just so I could say good morning and give her a hug. Every day that pass I fell for her more and more. Just seeing her smile brought a smile to my face. Finally one day happened that changed everything for me and maybe her to. As a joke we decided to hold hands to class. No big deal or anything but at this moment I realized how much I like her. How she brightens up my day and is the one and only person I looked forward to seeing. But I did not think she saw me that way so I continued just being her friend deffintly since she already was taking but a very good friend of mine. So a few weeks pass and this joke continued and I didn't mind it one bit. I loved holding her hand. Are hands for some reason fit together like a puzzle piece as if we were meant to be together. The funny thing is how she even mentioned how it just felt right and it was natural. To be honest it was the first time I had ever felt like this about a girl. And so far that still stands to this day. Anyways fastforwarding she ended up breaking up with her boy friend. Finally here was my chance to ask out this girl that I liked so much. But I was afraid to do it. I didn't think she felt the same way and I wasted my chance. Another guy asked her out before I could get the balls to. Disapointed and ashamed of myself I continued to follow the best friend roll. It wasn't bad but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted her to be mine. No one elses. A few weeks go by and she is sick of her current boyfriend. She kept complaining about him over and over and finally she broke up with him. Now by this time I had actually managed to hang out with her once or twice at her house. We had a hella good time and it really just made me the happiest guy ever to be with her even as a friend. I almost forgot to mention by this time I was medling is pot. Nothing harmful really just having a little fun. Anyways I had a plan. I was going to invite her to my house and ask her out that friday. I had all the plans set up and everything. But she couldn't wait that long. Two days before the day I had planned she grabbed me and pulled me aside and she asked me out. COMPLETLY UNEXPECTED. I practically went into shock. I barley managed to say yes cause of the happieness was overwhelming. I mean what could possible be better then having the girl of your dreams? So first few days go by and she comes over to my house and meets my parents. This was a big step and she was so nervous. She even dressed up all nicely just to impress them. Ah that silly girl. Anyways it went great my parents thought she was amazing as well! So school continues to go by. I go to her house she comes to mine and so on. By this time everytime I went over there we were getting high! It was so much fun even when we didn't cause the truth was I didn't need or care about the drugs. She was my drug. I was high off her love and I couldn't fight it... Finally I had to tell her my true feelings even if they were obvious. I don't say I love you to girls I date because in most cases it can't be true. But in this case it was true. So we were sitting in her room just talking like usual. Some how me and her could just talk and talk and it was great. So finally I decided I was going to tell her I loved her. This was a huge step. I let the conversation drop and there was a moment of silence and I looked over at her and I said " I love you". I swear to god time stopped. The moment was frozen and it felt like enternity before she finally looked over at me and said it back. I had never felt so much happieness in my life. It was an unreal feeling that I had never expierenced and still to this day can only describe it with one word. It was the feeling of love. School continued to pass by and we kept getting closer and closer to eachother. She would sometimes write me these notes. The notes made my day when I read them. Even though they were small little things it still made me all happy inside. I still have all her notes and drawings in my room today. Anyways we were looking forward to the upcoming summer only 2 or so months away. We couldn't wait to spend every day together and just be with eachother. But of course this never happened. That will go onto story 3.

Chapter 3: Living Hell
Everything had been going great the issue from the summer before was gone and I was with the girl of my dreams. There was only about 2 months of school left and summer was right around the corner. As usually I headed over to Lizzys house for the weekend. Only expecting to have a great time and nothing else! I got there in the early afternoon she had just woken up and me and a few other friends had just came over. Of course as usual we had some goodies with us. So we all smoked up a bit. I soon left with her to go over to her grandparents house becuase she had to watch there dogs for a week. I was happy and high of course and the day was already on a great start. We get to her grandparents house and we end up staying for a while and visiting with them. They had this little dog that kept trying to hump the [mod edit] out of me and it was so hard to not laugh since I was high. Anyways we went back to her house to go chill some more with all of our friends. We get back and pass around the pipe, bong and blunt. Ah getting so high . This went on for who knows how long and finally me and her were left alone in her room. We talked and kissed some and so on and finally decided to smoke a little. She had some that I had never smoked before. But hey whats the big deal? Well this decision of smoking 2 hours before I leave is what [mod edit] me over. I was completly down from it so I thought when I got picked up by my mom. Whether it was from the drugs or not eating that day or lack of sleep or a combination it still is bad. We went to get some food and walked into Smoky Mo's. Feeling perfectly fine at the time but as we were standing in line I started getting more and more light headed. So I tried walking over to a table to rest and let it pass but I got a rush of light headedness and a sickness and I passed out right in the middle of the place. I have no idea how long I was out. But I can remember blackness and hearing my mom screaming at me to wake up and when the blackness cleared her and another man were dragging me to the car. I shrugged them off and told them I was fine. The odd part about this is I felt and looked totally stoned off my [mod edit] even though many hours had passed since I had smoked. I soon arrived home and tried to act like nothing happend but soon my parents walked into my room and confronted me. They asked me if I was high. Obviously not able to deny it cause I looked and felt stoned of my [mod edit] I was straight forward and told them yes. I tried to shrug it off like it was no big deal and stuff. Well they though otherwise. Soon I was in a huge fight with my parents. My dad shoved me into a window and I pushed back. We were about to break into a fight but I decided to be smart and leave so I took off. I walked around for about an hour till I found a friends house to crash at. But so behold I soon recieve a text from my parents. They were black mailing me. If I was not home by midnight they were going to call the cops on me and my friends. Not willing to let my friends get in trouble I head home walking. I will admit at this time I was broken down with tears. The idea of not seeing the girl I loved anymore outside of school was devestating. But I cleaned myself up and walked through that door and went to bed. Next days pass with many more fights with my parents along with them threatening to send me away. I was out of control. Stuff started to cool back down. I was lock down like before at the beggining of the year but I was already used to being stuck doing nothing like that so it wasn't a very big deal. Lizzy and I decided we might as well stick together till the end of the school year. Be together as long as possible and spend every minute together. Days went by and we were finally at the final 2 weeks of school came around. I was hurting. I was counting the time left with her and it was just to much to take. I was starting to become depressed nothing to bad just started not talking to people as much and fading out of the world. It was either the 2nd or 3rd week of school that lizzy wrote me a note. I was walking to gym as I read it and well it broke my heart. I had to stop at the bathroom to catch and breath and wipe away the tears. I couldn't control it. It hurt me. In every kind of way. But once again I through the feelings aside brought myself back together and headed to class. That whole day was rough cause I knew the minimal time I had with her but I continued to go on and just spend my final time with her. Might as well squeeze as much happieness out as possible. Now around the 2nd week of school a few rumors started going around about her and we ended up getting into are first fight ever. Ah it was terrible. Last thing I want ever is to fight with someone and be an issue but with her?! Never would I dream of it. This fight hurt a little but in the end we both made up to eachother and carried out the next week of school. This is were the good stuff starts. See my parents wouldn't write me a note to get out of my classes that I could exempt finals in because they knew I would be with her. Anyways despite that I forged a note and got my pass to leave. First day went all good. Second day was well not expected. I kid was giving out some speed and well I decided I might as well try it so I did. Now I am extreme light weight with drugs. This pill sent me off the charts. I was going crazy. My friends had to help me cross the road and manage my money. I was just out of control! Probably didn't help I drank some monsters with it. Anyways I headed home. This is when all my emotions just snapped. I realized I had nothing at all. NOTHING. So I pulled out a knife and I started cutting over and over and over again. I ran out of room so I started cutting over the cuts making them deeper and watching the blood drip down my arm. Despite the pain I felt good watching the blood drip and the pain was soothing. The next day came around and I realized I needed help. So I jumped so one of my friends I trust and first saw. I showed him what I had done. He could see the pain I was feeling and actually understood me. He helped me clean my cuts and other stuff. Such a great friend. So not wanting others to know I kept it hidden. I spent the day outside of school at the park with all my friends just chillen passing some cigs around and listening to music. Suddenly my dad drives by. He repeated driving by multiple times. Knowing I was [mod edit] I let the day go by. I got in the car with my mom and got home. They asked me if I went to school and I told them no. Then they asked me a question I did not expect. They asked me what the pill in my room was... I had another speed pill that I hid. Well they found it. It started as a normal talk and then turned into another huge fight. When I attempted to walk away my Dad tripped me to try to get me to stop. I turned around and got into his face and told him to not touch me again. Well he pushed me back so I hit him in the shoulder and ran out the front door. Now this part is kind of funny. He tried chasing me around in the car. We got onto the highway and he kept trying to pull into driveways in front of me but everytime he started to get out of the car I would take off across the road. I was just to smart and fast for him I guess. Anyways he gave up and I found all my friends still at the park. 2 of my good friends came with me to go confront him but to my surprise my mom pulled up. After me and my friends talking with her we went and got some ice cream. My mom agreed to let me stay with a friend that night. So I went with one of my good friends and we hung out. We smoked some cigs and chilled with some people and the day was looking a bit better. We stayed up all night. Now I had not slept for 48 hours straight. My mom came and picked me up and told me we were going to go swimming with some other people. I would not go swimming though because I did not want her to see my cuts. So the day passed and we got back home. Thats when a friend called and cussed my Dad out. My Dad over reacting called the police and brought them to my house. Well [mod edit] dealing with the cops again. I keep my cool and I talk to them I tell them the minimal and walk away. Well my parents didn't keep there mouth shut and mentioned the pill. Well the police asked for it so my parents brought it to them and handed it over. BIG MISTAKE. Soon the cops come inside and ask for me. Next thing I know I'm in hand cuffs and being driven down to the juvinile center. The cops thought I was a little crazy cause I had started laughing in the car because of the irony of it all and how stupid everything was. Anyways I go through an intake process and so on. From this point I had absolutly no contact with the girl or any of my friends. I had no one. I was cut off. This was my low point. I tryed. I don't think anyone knows this but I tryed.... I tryed to kill myself. I saw no hope. I felt no happieness. I was empty. I was nothing. As you can see my attempt at ODing didn't work and I did not try again as I had realized it was not worth it. I guess I got a lucky chance. Anyways that is the end of part 3. There will be one more part I will call " Enlightenment". This is when I came back. I was me but a better me. I saw things in a new perspective. A new door and a new chance for me. It was there all along I just had to move on past my anger to see the open door.

Chapter 4: Enlightment
[mod edit] has happened. I'm still angry and sad. No happieness in me. I didn't care nothing mattered. Live? Die? Whats the difference. It didn't matter. It was about the 1st month into summer. I hadn't spoken to one person since summer started. No one. I was silent. I had nothing left to say. My mom decided to sign me up on a mission trip to New Orleans with a chruch youth group. As most of you know I am not religous. I do not care for religons. But this trip is what opened my eyes and let me be happy again. No I did not "find god" or anything like that. I just... Came back to my senses I guess. The trip started in the car of course and I was silent. I had nothing to say. No one to talk to. I mean there was that girl. Lets give her a fake name to. How about Karen. Well I used to talk to Karen a lot but we stoped for who knows what reasons. But I can tell you one thing. She is beautiful, nice, funny and so much more. I was in my corner of the car. In my own little world with music on. Just letting everything pass me by. But I guess that wasn't enough for her. She somehow managed to pull me out of my trance and start talking. It started off small but soon I felt a bit better. I was actually laughing and smiling again. It had been a while since that happened. Anyways next thing I know I'm actually talking to everyone. I'm back. I'm me again. The trip went by and I realized I liked her. Even though it was not the same as before it was still enough to make me smile. It was enough to make me see a decent reason in life again. I actually pulled myself together just for her. Well I guess that was a good thing to do. She made me promise things to her. Like to not go back to my own ways. Even though I was making those promises to her. I was making them to myself to. I realized I could never go back to that life. I had to stay clean from drugs. I had to move on and put the past behind me. I realized even as hard as the past and current time was or is that time goes on and you go with it. It is up to you whether or not to carry the past to the present or to leave it behind. Look back on it as a distant hicup in your life. A time where you were confused and lost. A time for mistakes and learning. The week passed and I came back new and fresh. I saw new posibilities in life. I recgonized me wrongs I admited to them and I left them behind me. See sometimes we can't see clearly because of all are anger and emotions going through us. The key to getting past it all is just let go. Give up on the fight. You are fighting what has already happened when you stay angry. If you can not let go of the anger then you must find something to over ride the anger. Any form of happieness. In my case it was a friend. A friend was all I needed. Someone who cared and listened to me. One that did not judge and leave my side even as she discovered my mistakes and flaws. Today I'm proud to say I am a new person. I am not just" Collin Anderson ". I am me. I am myself. That is all that matters. Being yourself. Because at the end of it all. All that matters is being YOU. Never forget that. Never let people change who you are. Never conform and ALWAYS stand up for your self. Thank you for all that have read my story beginging to end. I hope you enjoyed it and maybe even got something out of it yourself. Just remember life gets better. Every day is a new day and everything will always be changing.

The End.

I think I have managed to edit out all the profanity, which, I feel, was unnecessary to tell your story.

Sounds like an interesting year. I probably (definitely) wouldn't have made a few (the majority) of the decisions you made but no judgement here.

Hopefully you find happiness in the future, and don't swear on the forums

I read your story Collin, That is a pretty intense year you went through.

It is good that you make these realizations sooner rather than later as you can re-direct your energy into better things.

I admire the honesty with which you told your story.
You have shared more than I am willing to. Just know that while your story is unfortunate, there is a bright future available to you. While you situation is unique, many others go through the same struggles with boredom, substance abuse, escalating crime and mental disorder. They caught onto you quickly so it was pulled up early, your parents love and care for you so they took measures to help you, left with no guidance many take much darker paths.

I am glad that you wish to share with others your experience, others your age will hopefully relate to it and glean some wisdom.

You strike me as a good hearted guy, I know you will stick to your ideals and make a real decent go of your short 100 year run on this planet.

on a side note, if you still have trust issues with your parents, I think you should show them this forum thread. It is blatantly open and honest and I think all they want to know is that you are ok. I think this thread will give them some peace of mind.

take care mate.
kezzla

???

So I jumped to*

Thanks for reading my story and sorry about the profanity I had not thought about that.

.... wow.

If I had the chance to retry I would never make those mistakes again. But I have learned from it and now know what to avoid and not to make those mistakes again.

Collin, you reminded me of a friend who was similar in nature, bit bulkier than me and a well sounded guy he had issues with pot and fights... I managed to help him with the anger side, and to this day since around 2003 has not been in any issue with the police... I believe he still has pot issues but I think he has kids now so maybe that has slowed the usage...

Anyway thanks for this insight and you have got me more keen to write my chapters soon as well...

I am sure we all are happy to help on here as well and I agree with what Kezzla has said... sometimes we all need a mutual ground to discuss and showing your parents that thread post may be it...

Smile, and the world smiles back at you...

Thanks for the kind words MrValentine. Although I did not get into fights I did want to. Not out of anger just because I enjoy it. I would challange people but everyone at my school for some reason has an odd form of respect for me. I am unsure how this respect was built but everyone loves me at school. From the preps to the skaters to the religious people. Anyways because of this respect no one would fight me. When ever I asked why they always just said " Cause you are Collin" Which to this day I still do not understand there reasoning. But I guess its best that they did not let me fight them. That is the last thing I would of needed. Also by the way the girl from the last paragraph. We ended up dating. Soon to break up because of stressful times. We are still good friends and still have feelings for eachother but we both do not want a relationship. Which I am okay with.

Where is the TL;DR version? I'll post it....

Part 1 - I vandalize a school and get caught.
Part 2 - I get a girlfriend and smoke some weed.
Part 3 - I smoke some more weed, take some speed, cut myself a bunch. Parents aren't happy about it.
Part 4 - I realize I was horrible and plan on not being like that again.


Look kid, I get it, I do. We all make horrible mistakes. Every single one of us on these boards have done more than enough stupidity in our lives. But why you had this... odd... sense of having "nothing," is baffling to me.

You obviously have parents who care about you and your well-being-- probably more than you realize--and friends who apparently will do just about anything for you. You've had a couple girlfriends that have meant a lot to you, enough to better yourself as a person. That sounds pretty great to me.

It's not that you have nothing... quite frankly you have far more than what a lot of kids could even hope for... but it's the decisions you've made that have put a toll on you. I'm not putting you down in anyway. We've all done dumb things, myself include... Believe me, you don't want to know the half of my idiocy. I'm glad you found your "enlightenment." We always need to learn from our mistakes because we're damn sure going to make plenty. So long as we don't make them again, then we are living our life the best we can. And that's great that you've seen the error of your ways.

But I'm a firm believer that no one should be feeling like they have nothing, that they are empty inside... Especially not to the point of contemplating the end of their life. Even people who have been bullied to the point they take their life. People are going to disagree with me on that, and it's for a different matter altogether... but my point is we always should realize how blessed we are to live in the world we do, and know the people in our lives that we love. Just about every single person on this planet, has something or someone, somewhere. We can't blame the world around us for feeling alone because the only thing stopping us from finding a place to belong is ourselves.

You're still a young kid and you've your entire life ahead of you. I'm glad to see you know those were stupid mistakes and I hope you steer clear of those actions again. If you so choose, then you have a bright future ahead of yourself, but growing up doesn't happen automatically, you have to choose to do it yourself.

Parents to begin with...



^ This



Try playing Fable to see what this means

Collin already has more than I can ever ask for in life, I just hope he keeps this route and keeps drug free in the future...

Simple way to look at it is... if it is not benefitting me in life be it health or financially, it is not worth using/buying/finding...

Hence why I have no addictions, no smoking, no drinking, no other addictions, not even food addictions... I can break junk food addictions easily too... there are a lot of addictions out there other than Drugs/Drink/etc...

Be Well!

Thanks for all the kind words and motivational stuff. I agree with a lot of what you said redneckrambo and you have some great points.

Skipping over the dozens of typos, assuming you probably just skipped english class a few times, I'm sure my reply is going to get a few people on my back.


Wouldn't the bigger idiot be the one vandalizing a school then returning to it?


They have to do it, otherwise you might purposely try to distort/smudge/mess up the print. If you're being fingerprinted, why are they going to trust you to do it properly?


Probably because of Jack. I had friends that my mom didn't want me to hang around.


You're sounding more and more like a delinquent teen.


Punch yourself in the face


Umm yea sure, you're a regular genius....


How is your dad the one overreacting? I'd probably do the same thing if some punk teenager called to cuss me out.



I might sound mean, but I'm not really the emotional comforting type, never have been. I guess that's why the army suits me fine. But I am the guy who will tell you you're screwing up and you're an idiot, now knock it off (and get off my lawn)! As a teen, I was in trouble at school a lot, mostly due to association with certain other individuals. Weed and speed were minor compared to what I knew people were doing. Despite who I hung out with and all the drugs I was surrounded by, not once have I ever in my entire life done them or felt I needed to just to keep the same friends. (not saying that's why you did them) Even though my mom constantly accused me of doing drugs and never trusted me, ironically I'm the only one in the family who can say they've never done any drugs. But I've seen drugs ruin lives, even leading one of my best friends to homicide and suicide. Some of my friends that are still alive have pretty good lives these days. Others I don't know whatever happened to them, none of us do. And be happy you have both parents, I lost my dad a year ago from a stroke most likely caused by his years of drinking. And cutting yourself, well, you'll get no pity from me for that. You still have a place to sleep. What would you do in your mid-20s when you lose your job in the midst of the market crash and can't find work and lose everything? To be 25yrs old with everything and suddenly having to start back over from scratch, wondering how you'll pay rent or buy food. That was me, and I'm still crawling out of the hole, but at no point have I ever resorted to drugs, vandalism, or abusing myself.

Oh, and your school vandalism, I hope you understand how incredibly easy you got off. I did something far less severe in my highschool and was expelled halfway through my senior year. Almost 10 years later and that still nearly kept me from the military. Look, I get it. I was not what you would call a model student. I skipped class, had crazy parties, and was a bit of a delinquent myself. After my expulsion, I got a job as a cashier, and awaited for the following school year so I could enroll myself and finish my diploma. So while I was finishing highschool, I had to watch my friends go off to college. The only way to put the past behind you is to make sure you don't repeat it. You say you're a changed person? Prove it to us by living a better life for yourself from now on. You're a teen, this past won't haunt you forever and in a few years won't matter at all. You're young enough to bounce back from this and still enjoy your youth.

An army commercial popped in my head after reading your story. "If you wrote an autobiography, would anyone want to read it?" I'm not a recruiter, but have you ever considered joining?


Didn't mean to write so much, you've sidetracked me from top gear!

I completly respect and understand where you are coming from. I like the fact that you are straight forward and that you put it how it is. You made plenty of valid points. Although somewhat rude about it I understand what you are trying to get across.

I'd like to preface this post by saying i understand most of your actions, i have been known in the past to do stupid things (i had one run in for stealing a bus stop) and i believe i have more of an insight into drug use than many on this forum, drug chemistry interests me immensely (anything from antibiotics to tryptamines, not strictly recreational drugs) to the point where a section of my baccalaureate was on this subject, plus i have first hand experience with some elicit subjects. Whilst this post may come over as very derogatory it is because i want to help better your future.

Your post really rubbed me the wrong way, whilst you may have changed like you claim in the conclusive paragraph i still believe you have a long way to come before you'll be classed as mature, at least by my standards. The way you talk and your reflections upon your experience with the police especially shock me, they are flagrant with insolence and immaturity, you seem to write with a sense of superiority over the police which is clearly undeserved, in places it almost comes of as you being proud of the way you dealt with them, which i may add to me seemed just plain out illogical. Now i can somewhat understand your contempt towards the police, i used to subscribe to the whole "their all power hungry pigs" ideology, but what you did to your parents is shocking. They have given you everything you have in the world, and no they are not perfect, they will make mistakes too, and i am certainly not in favor of childhood religious indoctrination, yet you seem to allow yourself to use this as an excuse to be unruly. Phaelax summed up everything else i was going to say very well here, so I\'ll move on to my next point.

As for the depression part of things, in the past i have experienced similar feelings of hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts, albeit bought about by different things. Though never did it occur to me to cut myself, i knew that cutting isn't going to kill me, my preferred method was to amass a large amount of alcohol and barbiturates/benzodiazpeines/any other GABA acting drugs and overdose on the cocktail, not that i actually managed to get enough together. I think the cutting is more about a call for attention, or for people to acknowledge your problems, cutting is a very visual thing.

And finally onto the drug issue, unless that drug is an opiate or meth, drugs don't screw up lives, the user does. Though its bound to be an unpopular opinion on such a forum, i am not for drug prohibition, what we need is education, most of the harms from drugs come from their illegality, i usually refer to the following diagram:



I could go on for ages about the hypocrisy of current drugs laws. But the fact is people will remain to use drugs, and our aim should be to reduce the harms done by said drugs, not criminalize those who find themselves in a genuine addiction. What struck me about your attitude to drugs was how liberal and carefree you seemed about it, some guy offered you a speed pill? Great, lets take it. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Chances are that wasn't speed at all, instead some dealer made pills with some cheap research chemical like 2AI or ephylphenidate to make more money.

Back in college I had two friends, both were avid drug users, to the point where every evening was time to get high, yet the difference is one of them was intelligent and the over not, fast forward to today and one of them i am still good friends with, he still enjoys certain substances, but doesn't let it get in the way of his life, and despite dropping out in his first year he is the most successful of my friends, being the head of the UK part of a certain petrochemical company. The other is 24 years old, lives with his parents, gets high everyday and is overweight. I hope you find the right path (should not both of them are older than me by a fair bit)

I'm sure there are many spelling mistakes and such in this, hell i may not even agree with what I've said after I've slept, very jet lagged due to traveling at the moment

That was a good read Melancholic. About the police thing. I treated them with respect and all. Those were my thoughts that during the time. I did not go against or argue with them or anything. Also refering to the drug chart. Really LSD is less addicting and less lethal then marijuana? Or am I not understanding the chart correctly?

You know, that post really makes me think different of you, i half expected you to go on a rage but what you wrote shows maturity As for the chart, you are reading it right, LSD is almost impossible to become addicted to (i don't think its ever happened) as you can't exactly binge on it, once you've tripped then the drug will have little to no effect a second time if done immediately after, i cant remember the specifics but i'ts something to do with the specific serotonin receptor that LSD targets becoming saturated (temporary effect, lasting roughly 3x the half life of LSD on the synapse), similar to the way that taking more MDMA whilst already on MDMA will have a lessened effect (both drugs target serotonin) As for the physical harms cannabis is often underrated, there is the link of psychosis though its very contended in medical literature, which people such as David Nutt doubting its existence at all, but majorly the effect from the smoke itself, all smoke is carcinogenic and contains tar, cannabis is often more slightly more harmful that cigarettes as its smoked without a filter to get rid of some of the tar (instead people use a roach) whilst LSD has little physiological side effects, there is a risk of "flash backs" which may cause discomfort at certain times and there is the possibility of developing serotonin syndrome if done in amounts much larger than I could comprehend doing

Edit: Another note on LSD, its not even necessarily enjoyable, that also constitutes to its low adictivnes, a very small amount (<1%) enjoy psychedelics at all

Its a story that once inspired a man to create a signature. If only he was around today.

Well that is very interesting Melancholic. I did not know that. I always assumed a drug like LSD would be addictive and really bad. I thought Marijuana was the safest one around that could be used.


What was the name of this man? Also nice sig :p

I personally have no experience with drugs whatsoever, but a friend of mine took LSD a few months ago, and while it certainly didn't lead to an addiction or anything like that she still thinks it was one of the worst decisions of her life. Apparently the drug trip itself was horrible (she said something about that it felt like she was experiencing 1000 years in that little time frame and got stuck in timeloops and whatnot), she was allegedly close to a cardiac arrest and "lost" one of her best friends who was with her that evening because he decided to not have anything to do with her after the incident (which sounds like he was quite a bad friend, but apparently she said a few fatal things that made him make that decision - I have no idea).
Apart from losing her friend, which is certainly bad enough, she was completely devastated by her memories of that day and what it seemed to imply about reality and herself (she mentioned something about having seen the "darkest corners of her soul" and that her self perception would never be the same again), and on top of that wasn't able to sleep for quite a while until she got medical treatment.

Well, so much about that - I just thought I'd share it, since "Really LSD is less addicting and less lethal then marijuana?" - "As for the chart, you are reading it right" made it look a little as if LSD wasn't a big deal.

No drug is harmless, whether it be caffeine or cocaine, though some are more harmful than others, cannabis often has a reputation for being a harmless plant, which certainly isn't true, there are real risks involved, that said compared to alcohol there is a general consensus that it isn't as harmful.



It's a great point you raise, I didn't intend to sugar coat LSD, nothing like that. Whilst i'ts true that it may be physiologically less harmful the mental effect it has on someone is also very important, albeit less easily gauged. The hallucinogens are a tough bunch, the major ones, the ergoloids, tryptamines and to an extent some phenethylamines (mainly NBOME and the 2C series of drugs) often have little physical health effects, but the experience they give the user can negate any supposed safety, hallucinogens like LSD have been used to give people "insights" and such, one example is LSD given to terminally ill cancer patients who find it hard to accept their condition, but the potential is there for the effect to have an adverse effect of equal magnitude.