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Geek Culture / My girlfriend might be pregnant, and I'm scared shitless! any advice?

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Xoid
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 15:55
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any advice especially from the dads in this board please, as I'm really worried about the future!
Do not anticipate the outcome of the engagement, let nature take it's course, and your tools will strike at the right moment - from "Tao of Jeet Kune Do" by Bruce Lee
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Solidz Snake
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 15:59
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no offense dude, r u afraid of being a Dad + the responsibility , or r u afraid of ur family/her family might like not like the current situation?

Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

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Xoid
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 16:01
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afraid of being a Dad + the responsibility of having my own child :-s I just don't know if I could cope with all that responsibility just yet.

Do not anticipate the outcome of the engagement, let nature take it's course, and your tools will strike at the right moment - from "Tao of Jeet Kune Do" by Bruce Lee
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Yarbles
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 16:26
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It's a trick that women pull on you.. They tell you that their period is late and then watch you squirm. It's a good way to test your commitment to them.

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And smiles as the puppets dance in the court of the Crimson King.
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Arrow
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 16:51
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If you not prepaired to have a child then you shouldn't be having sex, grow up.

The Legend of Zelda IS NOT an RPG! It's an Adventure, just like Ico or Dark Cloud.
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Kangaroo2
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 17:18
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I'm 21 and I have a 3 year old boy and 10 month old girl. My advice would be that yup parent hood is hard, but theres plenty of help available, regardless of your situation, and its worth it in the end. Plus my wife and I feel kinda cool being young parents, we're like cool parents, not old farts

The only really strong advice I have for you, is never, ever, give an opinion either for or against abortion to this girl. Just tell her you'll support her in whatever decision she makes. Say anything more proactive, either positive or negative and it'll come back to haunt ya

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Yskonyn
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 19:07
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That's bull kangaroo! You (in general) should already had a deep thorough conversation about abortion and the things around it with your girlfriend when you decide to have non-condom sex. It's far best to know where you and she stand.
Why should you never give an opinion about abortion? Because she might leave you, c'mon then she's not worth it. You should not just abide by what she wants man, that's bull.

As for Xoid why the hell didn't you take proper precautions before having sex or did the condom brake during your love parade?

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Rob K
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 19:40
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How old are you Xoid?

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Richard Davey
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 20:21
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You only need one piece of advice at this moment in time Xoid - get her to take a two tests. Never trust the results of just one. Depending on those depends on how you deal with this. Women can skip for a whole host of reasons, pregnancy being only one of them. Take the test, find out for sure, both be happier.

Cheers,

Rich

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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 21:48
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ClearBlue is a pretty good test ... but yeah should get a second one done just to be sure.
first question is are you guys ready for this?
if you are, then are your financially ready?
not alot more i can say other than Congratulations, but remember if you go ahead with having it that can be very trying on a relationship - so i hope you really care for your partner.
and if you do loose it, not saying this will happen, but just if ... remember that is a hell of alot of your other half to handle.
especially if you both have doubts about it, can bring on depression so be careful
i hope for your sake your Mrs isn't like a devil on acid when she's having PMT cause else i feel really sorry for you over the next few months

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
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empty
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 23:12
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Quote: "
If you not prepaired to have a child then you shouldn't be having sex, grow up.
"


LOL.

Ogres have layers.
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bitJericho
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Posted: 28th Apr 2003 23:46
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Quote: "if you are, then are your financially ready?"


from the looks of your website I'm thinking ur in the uk, so I don't know if they have programs to help you on your feet.. here in the us my girlfriend and I are leasing a low income apartment for about 100$ a month, and is based on our incomes. She has gotten on WIC which is a program to help by food for the mother and the baby, and has gotten on medicaid to help with the insurance for the previous 3 months before getting on, and i think 6 months after the baby is born, and then they offer options on paying for medical insurance afterwards... This has got to be the biggest help anyone could have ever offered us. I don't think we would have made it without the help.. she'd be living with her parentsO.o, *shutters*

As for being the 'daddy' part.. shame on you for having sex and not being prepared for the concequences.. Even though we were not planning on having a child we didn't freak out completely, because we knew the *real* reason behind sex.

One piece of advice... as soon as you find out for sure she's pregnant or even before ur 100% sure.. tell your parents!! dont wait too long like I did.. I lost a lot of free stuff like furniture and such that my mum got rid of..lol..plus, it's nice cuz they can help you out every step of the way..

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hexGEAR
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 01:02
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wow man, so many people getting thier gals pregnant at the age of 18 well, it's too late to place the blame

everyday of life is a new chapter that has already been fortold but is up to the soul to capture.
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QuothTheRaven
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 01:04
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how old are you and how old is she?

Another "trick" that committed girlfriends is telling you they took their birth control pill when they haven't, so she becomes pregnant because she thinks it will force you two to stay together. She never assumes that it will always cause the opposite effect...

but yes, there really is no excuse for an accidental pregnancy, birth control methods have been around since the 1920's (and long before that, actually, but that's when they finally became public). You were raised in a society that enforces safe sex. I'd love to hear the excuse that got you out of birth control...

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The Wendigo
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 01:07
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Cigars anyone?

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Solidz Snake
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 01:18
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I'm with Kang on this matter, on the part of 'dun tell her anything proactive'.

Still, like wat Rich and the others had said, go for more test, just to be sure.

In the end, if it was a false alarm, u r saved.
But if it is true, it ain't too late man.

Ask her wat does she feel about the whole baby & pregnancy matter. If she is happy over the matter, I suggest IMHO for u to not let her down, regardless of ur feelings. [Face it like a man, babey! Its gonna happen now or later!] If ya truly luv her & would intend to marry her sooner or later, u know this is the right choice.

But if she's also in a panic situation like u now, its best to assure her & keep her calm since she IS the mother. Tell her about the abortion scenario 'in ur most caring way of telling'. It helps the situation & the both of u.


Well, thats my advise ..... unless she's just teasing on ya!

Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

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Solidz Snake
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 01:19
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oh yes , forgot ..

Congratulation!

Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 06:24
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unfortunately Jerico the UK situation is quite different... because rather than reduced rent/bills due to being a poor income household and extra welfare benifits for being a parent per kid, the UK all you get is the welfare handout based on you're current income.

if i remember for a married couple with one child earning under £10k per year you were about a year ago entitled to £40/week for each child you had + £15 for the first born/eldest ... and you get progressively less the more you earn.
if he lives near london on an 18yo's general pay of £15-20k it'll be a struggle as apartments even a single bedroom bedsit will be around £400/month not including gas/water/eletricity these are usually pay-as-you-go for the cheaper/bad area places.
a good thing would be if they applied for council housing they'd be bumped above those without kids - but last time i heard in most area's thats still a good year before you'd get anything within your area.
really its a case of if she is then its "Get your s**t together time." and sort out all the things that she will be worrying about, as pregnancies are generally tough enough on most girlies

can honestly say i've never got a girl pregnant but i've been an expecting father before ... so know how it can be on that scale of things when you're not even slightly prepared.
just try to remember however scared you are about it, thats only a faction of what your girl is feeling - partly cause they blow things all outta proportion but also cause at the end of the day you could be an ass and walk away, she doesn't have that luxury.
not to say you would - but no matter who you are she will have that fear throughout ... well cept for the horney stage

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
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indi
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 06:40
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my bro eventually meet this girl and had a kid now hes really happy and mellowed out and the baby is a bundle of giggles and shrills.

He mentions getting aquanted with his old mate beer again one day and trying to perform with no sleep is the hardest aspect he mentions.

Haha they tried to make put the socks on the bub ten hours later i got one!.

They make it look so easy.

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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 09:54
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That's happened to me a scarey amount of times, and while I'm glad the kind of girls I've been with mostly didn't want kids themselves, there was one time I really regretted and still regret pushing the issue of abortion, and that girl still has recurring dreams of these little blonde haired twins. They are aging realistically too, though they were never born. That freaks me out, and if I hadn't been such a selfish sob I'd be down and out and raising those kids right now instead of writing this post... The pro's and cons are too many to mention, do what you feel is right, but don't give in to fear, it's never been and never will be right to kill something because you fear it. If on the other hand you two really can't afford the thing, and you can't see that situation changing within 9 months then I'd be having a very serious talk with her.

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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bitJericho
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 10:17
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also, there's always adoption if you don't like the idea of abortion..

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W0LF
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 13:43 Edited at: 29th Apr 2003 16:04
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........

HOOOWWWWLLLLL!!!!!!
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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 14:41
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That's easy for a couple of guys to say, but it's the girl who has to carry the thing for 9 months, building an emotional attachment all the while. The term murder should not be applied in this scenario, unless the law describes it as such. It's never an easy decision to make, but the fact is, if it's legal where you are, termination of pregnancy is an option, and in many cases, a better option than adoption. I guess if you're religious that must sting, but it's true nevertheless.

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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W0LF
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:00 Edited at: 29th Apr 2003 16:03
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Sorry....

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Rose
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:12
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No way, Abortion is not the way to go.

If shes pregnant, you need to be there for her. It's a hell of a lot worse for her than it is for you.

You and your girlfriend have to sit down and talk over your options:
You have three options

1) Have the child and become responsible parents.
This will mean alot of scarfices in your life, but its worth all the hardship just to see that child happy.

2) Give the child up for adoption, if you aren't responsible enough to raise a kid yet, then give it to a family that will love it as their own, this way you are giving your child the best start at life.

3) Abortion :This should not be an option because if you think your girlfriend can just walk in there have the wee operation and walk away, you are sooooo wrong. As well as possible physical side effects like never being able to have children again, (if the womb is damaged)there are worse mental effects, maybe you don't realise them now, but in years to come..... well just look at the anti-abortion websites.

Did you ever see the movie silent scream? Theres a ultrasound done on the mother as the baby is being aborted... you can see the baby try to escape the doctors knife and you can see the babys mouth move it looks just like a silent scream. In other cases where the baby is further alone the mother is induced to "give birth" and the baby who is far too young to survive on its own yet it just thrown in a bin to die.


I know so many fellas that have just walked away when the girl has got pregnant, don't be another!!


If it were me, at this stage in my life I couldn't study and take care of a child so I'd have to give it up for adoption.

Hey if she isn't pregnant, then take this as a warning, be grateful and spend less time on the sexual side of the relationship, because sex isn't everything.

Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over!
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Richard Davey
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:16 Edited at: 29th Apr 2003 15:18
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Guys - no more "abortion" messages here please and certainly no more discussing the pro's and con's of it. This is NOT the place and with such a heavily male population here a true view will never come out (although Roses is sound advice, so read it). Please.. I want to see no messages about it after this one or I will delete them.

I let this thread live because it's a practical real-world example of life, I will not let it turn into a moralistic debate.

Cheers,

Rich

"Gentlemen, we are about to short-circuit the Universe!"
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Xoid
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:18
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I appreciate all the advice, thanks! to be honest I would be a liar if I said I haven't been thinking to myself about abortion, but I wouldn't want that for my partner if she is definately pregnant, she's been late before but not this late :-s but she has had alot of stress at work - managing people etc... which I suppose could be a factor. I'm not scared of being a Dad, I'm just scared that I would suck at being a Dad! although I never really thought about having a child, over the past few days seriously dwelling on it, it would be a good experience, and It would be good to play football or whatever when the child is abit older, you know, that sort of stuff

Financially we could cope, but my partner is doing exceptionally well at work earning alot more than me and I see her continuing her success with the company, so her career would probably end for atleast a year and I know they would employer her again after this time as she is very good at her job, so that's not too much of a problem.

I shouldn't really be stressing to much over this, you know, if it happens it happens, I wouldn't want abortion or adoption so if she is I'll take on the responsibility, you never know my child could be a revolutionary computer programmer LOL, he/she could teach me a thing or two then, LOL.

Do not anticipate the outcome of the engagement, let nature take it's course, and your tools will strike at the right moment - from "Tao of Jeet Kune Do" by Bruce Lee
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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:19 Edited at: 29th Apr 2003 15:21
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[edit]

O.K, no more posts

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Xoid
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:20
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I do apologise Rich it's my fault, I shouldn't of posted this, but I needed advice from somewhere, just needed strength from somwhere.

if you want to delete this thread then please do, it's served it's purpose, again, thanks for the advice!

Do not anticipate the outcome of the engagement, let nature take it's course, and your tools will strike at the right moment - from "Tao of Jeet Kune Do" by Bruce Lee
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rapscaLLion
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:22 Edited at: 29th Apr 2003 15:31
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[EDITED to remove abortion advice]

Hold on ppl, he said she MIGHT be pregnant, he did NOT say what the conditions during sex were, so all you people saying shame on you for not being protected etc, that may not be true!

As for you Xoid, I have to agree, you should have thought about the possible consequences before, but now isn't the time for a lecture so:
You NEED to get your girlfriend to a doctor! A doctor can tell you for sure if she is pregnant, while a test isn't always accurate. And if your worried about secrecy, anything you tell your doctor is completely confidential. They can't even tell parents if you don't want them too.

Above all, do not leave her! You will be not only destroying her life, but the life of your child, no matter how you put it. Running away from her and sending support checks is NOT a replacement for a father. If you want this advice: Save up money, you'll need it. Try and find a place to live with her if you don't already have one, parent's houses are fine, ie apartment in the basement, as long as you can handle them and they you . Get formally married when and if the time is right and you have the money (if marriage is in your beliefs that is), and if that isn't possible, have a private ceramony, saves time and money.

It's your child, your responsibility, and if you want our advice, it might be a good idea to clear up what you and your girlfriend intend to do about it.

Alex Wanuch
aka rapscaLLion
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Dr OcCuLt
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:24
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Xoid ask for advice not to be judged!

Most people are other people.Their thoughts are someone else`s opinions,thier lives a mimicry,their passions a quotation
Oscar Wilde
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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:27
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Good Luck whatever you two decide, for the record I don't think it's wise to listen to anyone's advice on this anyhow, you have to do what's right for you

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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Richard Davey
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 15:57
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Xoid - I have no problem with the original post or the replies thus far and it's not your fault, I just wanted to keep this out of the realms of "the rights and wrongs" debate. This simply isn't the place.

Dan - thanks for editing your comment.

Cheers,

Rich

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W0LF
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 16:03 Edited at: 29th Apr 2003 16:07
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Sorry for bringing this to a place that it shouldn't have gone...
I'll go back and edit my posts...

By the way, don't worry. No matter how ready anybody ever thinks they are to have their first baby, they are not. It is way harder than you can ever imagine, but also way more rewarding than you could know.

God bless you and good luck!

WOLF

HOOOWWWWLLLLL!!!!!!
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Solidz Snake
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 16:16
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Good for ya Xoid! Congratez!

And while we're chill on the topic, name him Solidz Snake! LOL!
If its a her, go for Lara Croft!
(seems like its going to be either Solidz Xoid or Lara Xoid!)


Surely other ppl got better baby names, rite?

Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

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Rose
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 19:21
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Sorry Rich,

Xoid - Let us know as soon as you find out, Good Luck!!

We can start suggesting baby names,

I'm sure you'll make a great dad, and just think how amazing it will be to see a little Xoid running round copying you and wanting to be just like you!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I'd be lost without my dad!

Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over!
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Kangaroo2
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Posted: 29th Apr 2003 23:50 Edited at: 29th Apr 2003 23:53
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Ahh sorry I just saw Rich message so have deleted this last post.

Basically tho I would just plead that it has to be the girls decision because any strong opinons may lead some1 into a decision they don't truly believe in, EITHER way and their lives can be adversly affected for YEARS.

Anyway, Kids are great, but thats just from my perspective

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Karlos
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Posted: 30th Apr 2003 00:05
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Go for it xoid - I'm sure all future dads had their fears. I know I did but when I held my little girl nothing else mattered.
It is a truly wonderful thing.
The fact you have concerns means that you will be a good father.
As for the financial side you will both find a way.

Good luck to you - not that you'll need it.

Karlos

If it ain't broke - try harder.
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John H
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Posted: 30th Apr 2003 00:35
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Well Im not quite at that age where fatherhood is an issure, so I dont really have much of an opinion here. If all signs point to baby, then good luck to you Xoid. I do agree with the others, saying "Dont leave her" That will just ruin her life, and the child will never know his/her daddy Best of luck to you and your family if there is a new addition

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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 30th Apr 2003 03:49
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guys think some of you've missed the point on options
there are no right or wrong options, just what is decided by his girl ... and it will enevitably be her decision, because no matter what Xoid's opinion is - she is the one who gets priority over what happens (from a legal standpoint).

but its not Xoid's place either to suggest any of it because that just adds extra stress - which can induce a miscarrage, and no matter how far along it is it is still a horrible and traumatic experience.

Xoid's one an only job is to act like he has everything inhand around his girlfriend and let her know he'll be there for her no matter what ... as long as she feels safe and that someone is there to support her then everything else will fit into place (well kinda)
as far as you should be conserned her well being no matter what news you get is paramount - you don't need morals, you don't need to have all the answer, you just need to be understanding and supportive.
Becuase i guarentee you even if she is just overstressed and skipped cause of that, then she'll have all these notions about being pregnant - she'll probably be relieved but at the same time she'll also be deeply upset ... plus you'll have to help destress her.

if you remember a hug and a hankie go alot futher than knowing the perfect solution everything'll be cool

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
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Solidz Snake
21
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Joined: 23rd Oct 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 30th Apr 2003 03:53
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hmmm ...

baby boy = Rich Xoid
baby girl = Rose Xoid

Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

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bitJericho
21
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Joined: 9th Oct 2002
Location: United States
Posted: 30th Apr 2003 04:08
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lol solidz...

heh, glad to see you xoid wanting to take an active role with the mum and baby..good luck to you which ever way it goes

The 3D Modeler's Group : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/3dModeler/
The Unofficial DB Newsgroup : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DBMag/
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hexGEAR
21
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Joined: 3rd Nov 2002
Location: Naytonia
Posted: 30th Apr 2003 04:11
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man, becoming a father, such a heavenly step can't even imagine myself at 18 being a father, how the hell do u do it? it's impossible i tell ya!!! if i was in your position, don't wanna even go there much respect to all u young descent parents man

everyday of life is a new chapter that has already been fortold but is up to the soul to capture.
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Puffy
21
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Joined: 4th Sep 2002
Location: United States
Posted: 30th Apr 2003 05:29
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Quote: "Xoid - I have no problem with the original post or the replies thus far and it's not your fault, I just wanted to keep this out of the realms of "the rights and wrongs" debate. This simply isn't the place.

Dan - thanks for editing your comment.

Cheers,

Rich"


o_O Rich is right... all of the debate posts turn into flamewars...

AMD Athlon XP 2100+ OC to 3Ghz/1.5gigs ram/128mb ti4200/120gigs hd/19" monitor/Sound Blaster Audigy Platinum EX/3072kbs Sat Con... I joined in!
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John H
Retired Moderator
21
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Joined: 14th Oct 2002
Location: Burlington, VT
Posted: 1st May 2003 05:22
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Hey look puffs back! Havent seen you for a while around here, where ya been man!

Ok now u people go back on subject while I slowly back away for changing it

RPGamer

Current Project: Eternal Destiny
Tech Demo - Colan Island: Currently 716 Lines
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Puffy
21
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Joined: 4th Sep 2002
Location: United States
Posted: 1st May 2003 05:23
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O_O Puff was busy with school... o_O but this is easy testing time so I am free...

AMD Athlon XP 2100+ OC to 3Ghz/1.5gigs ram/128mb ti4200/120gigs hd/19" monitor/Sound Blaster Audigy Platinum EX/3072kbs Sat Con... I joined in!
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Shadow Robert
21
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Joined: 22nd Sep 2002
Location: Hertfordshire, England
Posted: 1st May 2003 06:05
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lol... ya know what i've just noticed... i've got nearly the whole mod crew on my msn or yahoo! hehee

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
One block follows the suit ... the whole suit of blocks is the path ... what have you found?
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Puffy
21
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Joined: 4th Sep 2002
Location: United States
Posted: 1st May 2003 06:07
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=P my msn and yahoo buttons wont show up...

AMD Athlon XP 2100+ OC to 3Ghz/1.5gigs ram/128mb ti4200/120gigs hd/19" monitor/Sound Blaster Audigy Platinum EX/3072kbs Sat Con... I joined in!
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Martyn Pittuck
21
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Joined: 27th Aug 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 1st May 2003 10:45
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Puffy, you ever on MSN?

Or have i not added ya...

The Outside is a evil place to be, too much light, too much noise and too many distractions....
I went outside once and my FPS rate dropped to 5.
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Shadow Robert
21
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Joined: 22nd Sep 2002
Location: Hertfordshire, England
Posted: 1st May 2003 11:30
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he's never on msn, cause he's scared his papa will be on there...
dunno why he don't just get another email name like everyone else

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
One block follows the suit ... the whole suit of blocks is the path ... what have you found?
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