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Geek Culture / [STICKY] The Posting Competition

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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 25th Feb 2009 02:43 Edited at: 25th Feb 2009 02:45
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A man walking along the beach finds a bottle. He opens it, and out pops a genie! The man asks;
"Wow. Do I get my 3 wishes now?"
"Yes," The genie responds. "but there's a catch: everything you get, your worst enemy gets double that.'
"Ok..." Says the man, who had a terrible rivalry with an old enemy of his, and they hated each other bitterly.
"What are your wishes?" Asks the genie.
"Ah! I know!" Exclaims the man. "I wish for a brand new Ferrari!"
"Done." says the genie.
A new Ferrari appears next to the man, and 2 new Ferraris appear next to his worst enemy.
"Your next wish?"
"I wish I had fifty billion dollars!"
"At once." says the genie. "look in your pocket."
The man looks in his pocket, and sure enough, he finds a check for 50 billion dollars. The man's worst enemy finds a check for 100 billion.
"And your final wish?"
The man smiles and says, "Beat me half to death!"



If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com
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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 25th Feb 2009 03:43
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Quote: "A man walking along the beach finds a bottle. He opens it, and out pops a genie! The man asks;
"Wow. Do I get my 3 wishes now?"
"Yes," The genie responds. "but there's a catch: everything you get, your worst enemy gets double that.'
"Ok..." Says the man, who had a terrible rivalry with an old enemy of his, and they hated each other bitterly.
"What are your wishes?" Asks the genie.
"Ah! I know!" Exclaims the man. "I wish for a brand new Ferrari!"
"Done." says the genie.
A new Ferrari appears next to the man, and 2 new Ferraris appear next to his worst enemy.
"Your next wish?"
"I wish I had fifty billion dollars!"
"At once." says the genie. "look in your pocket."
The man looks in his pocket, and sure enough, he finds a check for 50 billion dollars. The man's worst enemy finds a check for 100 billion.
"And your final wish?"
The man smiles and says, "Beat me half to death!""


LOL! LMAO!! ROTFL!!

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Venge
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Posted: 25th Feb 2009 03:48
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@omega: I heard a similar version, but with the man's ex-wife.

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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 25th Feb 2009 04:30
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Ok, you'll love this one. (Or else.)

Yodaman, Benjamin, and I all die and go to heaven.
At the gates, ST. Peter tells us, "You can all go in, but whatever you do, DO NOT press the big red button."
So, we go in, and live happily in heaven.
After a week or two, Benjamin gets curious, (He IS a cat after all...) and he pushes the big red button.
Upon pushing the big red button, Benjamin turns hideously, disgustingly, horrifically ugly.
At this point, Yodaman and I are scared, and try to stay far away from the big red button.
Unfortunately, a few days later, Yodaman is walking by the big red button, and he trips, falls, and his hand lands on the big red button.
Upon hitting the big red button, Yodaman turns even uglier than Benjamin did. He's just about the ugliest guy in the universe now.
Now, at this point, Yodaman and Benjamin are very jealous of me and my continued sexifullness and good looks.
So, they take hand, and they FORCE me to push the big red button.
Upon pressing the big red button...
...
......
I turn into Benjamin.


If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com
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Alucard94
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Location: Stockholm, Sweden.
Posted: 27th Feb 2009 23:26 Edited at: 27th Feb 2009 23:27
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Funniest joke in the world.
"Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas... assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho."
Got to love monty python.


Alucard94, the member of the future of the past.
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Toasty Fresh
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Location: In my office, making poly-eating models.
Posted: 27th Feb 2009 23:39
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Quote: "A man walking along the beach finds a bottle. He opens it, and out pops a genie! The man asks;
"Wow. Do I get my 3 wishes now?"
"Yes," The genie responds. "but there's a catch: everything you get, your worst enemy gets double that.'
"Ok..." Says the man, who had a terrible rivalry with an old enemy of his, and they hated each other bitterly.
"What are your wishes?" Asks the genie.
"Ah! I know!" Exclaims the man. "I wish for a brand new Ferrari!"
"Done." says the genie.
A new Ferrari appears next to the man, and 2 new Ferraris appear next to his worst enemy.
"Your next wish?"
"I wish I had fifty billion dollars!"
"At once." says the genie. "look in your pocket."
The man looks in his pocket, and sure enough, he finds a check for 50 billion dollars. The man's worst enemy finds a check for 100 billion.
"And your final wish?"
The man smiles and says, "Beat me half to death!"
"


That is very, very good.
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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 27th Feb 2009 23:43
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Grandma
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Posted: 27th Feb 2009 23:44 Edited at: 27th Feb 2009 23:45
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I like monty python's 'funniest joke in the world' or whatever the sketch was called. That would be an appropriate joke now, but I don't know it, and I doubt anyone does.

@ yodaman
oooh, I like dirty jokes.

This message was brought to you by Grandma industries.

Making yesterdays games, today!
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Venge
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Posted: 27th Feb 2009 23:58
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Quote: "Two lawyers are leaving the office.

"I can't wait to get home", says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties off".

"I know the feeling", the other says.

"No, I'm serious", says the first. "They're killing me"."


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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 04:28
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Three blonds walk into a bar.
You think one of them would've seen it.

If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com
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Neuro Fuzzy
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 05:27
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i read the last page, and looked "defenestrate" up. Heres from wiktionary (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/defenestrate)

Quote: "
1. To eject or throw (someone or something) from a window.
2. To stop using the Windows operating system.
"


and yodaman... that was a dirty joke? the only words i could find were "orwep" and "asdyufoas"
... what does orwep mean???



...ew
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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 06:52
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What's the only thing funnier than a baby in a microwave?
TWO babies in a microwave!!

If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
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Neuro Fuzzy
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 07:04
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a baby in two microwaves?
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Grandma
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 09:20
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This baby can take temperatures up to 9000 degrees.


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Making yesterdays games, today!
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Aertic
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Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 28th Feb 2009 17:41
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Quote: "Really? I don;t care if you're banned either!
Hey! Lets all play the "Get Matuka banned" game! I always win at that one!
lol.
"

You know its possible to mask your IP and ISP and change your attitude? ;D

@Grandma! YOUR A BAD GRANNIE! LETTING YOUR KIDDIES IN THE MICROWAVE!
BAD GRANNIE!


"Your greatest teacher is your harshest critic"-'Butterfingers'
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Grandma
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 17:49
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Nono! It's all fun and games unless you cook the baby OVER 9000 degrees. The baby can't handle that.
And I'd never! How do I know that though...
Let's save that one for later.

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Alucard94
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 17:58
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Quote: "And I'd never! How do I know that though...
"

Well from the look of the images from that "wtf" folder you sent me before you definitely know more than a normal grandma.


Alucard94, the member of the future of the past.
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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 21:14 Edited at: 28th Feb 2009 21:14
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you're all adopted and your parents never loved you!



If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com

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Quirkyjim
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 22:02
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Aww, man! I just lost the game...

~QJ
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Monk
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Location: Standing in the snow =D
Posted: 28th Feb 2009 22:12
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A smart blonde, a dumb brunette and santa claus jump off a cliff.
Who hits the bottom first?





Blonde jokes are great.

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Neuro Fuzzy
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 23:20
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aww thanks alot quirkyjim, now i lost the game too...
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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 28th Feb 2009 23:35 Edited at: 28th Feb 2009 23:36
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A blond and a brunette jump off a building, which one gets to the ground first?



EDIT:
BTW, I DIDN'T lose the game, and I never do!
I know a secret hack that allows you to NOT lose the game.

If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com
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Aertic
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 13:55
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Yesterday I woke up to our cat in horrible pain. Meowing every time someone went near him. He wouldn't respond to the jelly meat can (a first ever).

We had to take him to the vet and he had some bladder condition and had to be put down right away. It was so sad, And I miss him more than anything.
I miss how he sleeps on my bed each night and wakes me up with a cuddle (most times dribble) each morning.

Here are some pictures of Pablo









"Your greatest teacher is your harshest critic"-'Butterfingers'
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Grandma
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 14:44
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Sorry about your cat.

My cat had something very similar. Wouldn't eat anything, was obviously in pain and nothing seemed to work. He was put down by my brother with a baseball bat. Not a pretty christmas. That wasn't this christmas, but still, it was the coolest cat of the bunch. The rest are lazy and afraid of their own shadow.




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Aertic
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 16:16
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omg.. I soo didnt believe you missed that I was TROLLING!
YOUS NOT TROLLIN! IM TROLLIN! SEE IM MATUKA!
-Maxxie(Matuka boxxie)


"Your greatest teacher is your harshest critic"-'Butterfingers'
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Grandma
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 16:22
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[b][/b]

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Alucard94
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 16:34 Edited at: 1st Mar 2009 16:35
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Quote: "He was put down by my brother with a baseball bat."

Always the answer to everything.


Alucard94, the member of the future of the past.
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Aertic
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 17:17
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Exscuse dear sir you seem to be peeing upon my leg. now if you were to move your peestream a fraction to the left it would find the ground quite in-unteruptedly.


"Your greatest teacher is your harshest critic"-'Butterfingers'
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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 18:36
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My cat actually DID have to be put down due to a bladder condition.
Thanks for the emotional trauma, insensitive jerks.

If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com
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Aertic
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 18:59
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Me too, not the troll cat, a diffrent one... lol.


"Your greatest teacher is your harshest critic"-'Butterfingers'
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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 19:00 Edited at: 1st Mar 2009 20:13
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oh... umm...
Y'know what's good?
Pie.
Pie is good.

This is my family's only remaining cat. At one point, we had four.



If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com

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Aertic
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 19:03
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Pie's and lies, nothing but a recipie for BACK STABBING!
STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB SLICE CHOP STAB! mwhaa haaa haaa I KILLED OG89! MWHAA HAAA HAAAAA HAAA HAAA *COUGH**COUGH*


"Your greatest teacher is your harshest critic"-'Butterfingers'
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Grandma
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 19:37
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Holy dumbells!

What kind of chair is that? I believe we share the same type of chair. Mmmm chairs.....

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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 19:39
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Omega, that image is.....HUGE!!!

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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 20:16 Edited at: 1st Mar 2009 20:18
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Yeah, I realized that right after I uploaded it, but then the forums went down for me for a while. It just sat there, trying to load for five minutes before I canceled it.
BTW, coffee ez teh gudz.



If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com

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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 20:38
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Ah, that image size is MUCH better! Now I can see the cuteness that is the kitty!

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Grandma
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 22:47
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This is our other cat. It's so sad, we had to put him down tonight. He wasn't acting very much like a cat should act, at all. Always sitting on the computer, chatting with strangers and watching youtube videos of other cats. It was cute at first, but now it has just become plain obnoxious, hogging the internet line and all...

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Quirkyjim
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 22:48
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Ohh, you never give Benjamin any leash do you...?

p.s. *snicker* Get it? Cus cats don't wear leashes so Grandma WOULDN'T? Aww, man! That's a good one!

~QJ
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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 1st Mar 2009 22:52
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I have a CD-Rom drive.

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Quirkyjim
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Posted: 2nd Mar 2009 00:03
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Hmm, so do I!

Do you use it to display data from Compact Disks?

That's how I use mine.

~QJ
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AndrewT
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Posted: 2nd Mar 2009 00:30
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Quote: "I have a CD-Rom drive."


Oh yeah? I have a CD-Rom drive AND a DVD drive! Suck on that!

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NeX the Fairly Fast Ferret
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Posted: 2nd Mar 2009 00:34
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I has neither!

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Venge
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Posted: 2nd Mar 2009 02:02
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I just have a DVD drive. I would have a CD drive too, but my IDE ribbon cable isn't long enough..

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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 2nd Mar 2009 06:11
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I have a COMPUTER!
It has 32 GB of RAM, three separate 200 TB internal HDDs, an 88.20 GHz Core 2 Octo processor with a 4 GB L2 cache, and 666 GHz FSB!

Y'know what the best part is?
Its made of cotton candy!!!

If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
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Aertic
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Posted: 2nd Mar 2009 17:58
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And I have a rank 1# on nearly every CS:S HLStats server...


"Your greatest teacher is your harshest critic"-'Butterfingers'
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Quirkyjim
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Posted: 2nd Mar 2009 23:02
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Actually, I just bent down and it's actually a DVD drive...

But it works with CD's too!

~QJ
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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 3rd Mar 2009 00:09
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I haz both...CD and DVD dwive!! Zey are both zeir own seeparate entity!

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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 3rd Mar 2009 05:12
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Quote: "Why was there BACON IN THE SOAP?!"

Quote: "IIII MADE IT MAISELF!!"


If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com
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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 3rd Mar 2009 05:45
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HUZZAH!! My game thus far is succeeding! YAY!!!


Quote: "


ic:giana]






































"


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Omega gamer 89
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Posted: 3rd Mar 2009 15:15 Edited at: 3rd Mar 2009 18:42
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I will ask again:
WHY WAS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP?!



If the good lord had intended us to go outside or have a social life, he wouldn't have invented the internet.
www.threeswordsproductions.com

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