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Geek Culture / A poem I wrote, comments appreciated.

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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 00:31 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 00:33
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DISCLAIMER: Please do not take this personally. This is in no way an attack on anyone, it's just a poem I wrote.

Comments appreciated.

Stop.
Don't look at me.
Look at you.

Look at yourself.
Look at what you do.

Look at your beliefs.
Look at your "truth".

Look at what you worship,
or should I say who.

Think about life,
and the way you live.

Think about your church.
Think about sin.

Think about those
who claim to believe.

Are they real,
or just well perceived?

Ask yourself now
Am I one of them?

Do I only witness
So I'm not condemned?

Or maybe you're true
To what you claim to know.

If this is the case,
then the answer is no.

I know about your king,
I know what songs you sing,
I know what message you bring,
and I regret to inform you
that I've done the whole Jesus thing.

So don't tell me that I'm wrong;
Don't tell me where I belong.

I've been down that road.
It never ends.
It's an empty path
full of twists and bends.

Think about this.
Consider it a myth.
You're blinded by the light
that you claim to see with.

Just drop the book
and drop the cross.
Forget it all.
It's no real loss.

How do I know?
I've been there before.
And life's been better
because I'm not anymore.

I guess what I'm saying is,
open your eyes.
You'll find you're much happier
when you don't believe lies.


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Chris K
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 00:48
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Hmmm......

The second half was good - it seemed to break down in places, but I think you got your message across. Tweak it a bit.

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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 00:49
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Good, is that true?

Then comes tomorrow and you're a little shorter of your breath and one day closer to your death...
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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 00:49
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CHRIS! STOP POSTING BEFORE ME!

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Ian T
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 01:02
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I think you'll get along with people more when you realise that truth and lies are completely relative. You think of christians just as they think of you. Both think the other has their eyes closed. Stop trying to hammer your truth into them-- you're far worse than some of the worst bible-thumpers I've known.

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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 01:07
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Wow, Mouse is right now that I look at it. I never try to force my religion on people*, because I respect their belief.


*I do still talk about it occasionally on accident.

I'm a Christian.

Then comes tomorrow and you're a little shorter of your breath and one day closer to your death...
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Jeku
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 02:06
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Quote: "that I've done the whole Jesus thing."


Uhhh, okay.

And what is this whole *Jesus* thing that you've done? I think more people pick on Christians than any other religion in the world.

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hexGEAR
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 02:11
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nice poem but that's kinda controversial, i forsee a flamewar

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Dazzag
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 02:19
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Personally I thought it was nicked from "The Office". Add a bit of guitar afterwards and you would be sorted.

Cheers

I am 99% probably lying in bed right now... so don't blame me for crappy typing
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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 03:38 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 03:48
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This is just a poem, relax.

@Mouse: I'm not trying to hammer "my truth" into anyone. Frankly I don't know what truth is, I'm searching for it.

Also, I would like it if you base your response solely on the poem. What you think you know about me and what you actually know about me are two different things, I assure you.

@Jeku: I don't go out and "pick on" Christians. That's not what this poem is intended for. It's more of a defense for me; it's something I've wanted to get down for a while so I have my thoughts basically gathered when I'm witnessed to.

The problem I have is that people that try to witness to me assume that "not christian" equals "atheist" (in many cases, at least). Furthermore, they assume that I don't know anything about Christianity.

@Hexgear: Nah, I don't. Just keep this thing in its place and we'll be ok.

Thanks for the feedback guys.


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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:19
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answer my question diddy

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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:22
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Part of it is true, part of it is just to get a rise out of people.


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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:25
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well, i believe in god.

you're still searching for the truth, so I would probably go for soemthing that doesn't involve a glass bull

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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:26
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Haha. Your the man HH, thanks for the advice.

Yes, I'm agnostic, meaning I could at some point become a Christian again. Or I could become an atheist - or a buddhist - who knows. I'm just seeing where this all goes, and I don't mind it at all.


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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:29
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there was a religion about a glass bull. 3 teens made it up and tied it (their glass bull god) to the back of a pick-up truck. it fell off, shattering, and they went around screaming it's the apocalypse

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CattleRustler
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:33
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I am a Mormon

"dum dum dum dum duuuum"
<oh my god, they killed Kenny><You bastard!>


-RUST-
"What the... Mooooooooooo!"
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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:34
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LOL!

Cattle Rustler, did you see that episode of South Park?


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QuothTheRaven
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:34
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Good poem. But I'll keep my Christianity.

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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:34
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just as soon as you said the dum i rememered at episode

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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:34 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 23:23
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Quote: "Good poem. But I'll keep my Christianity."


Ok.


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Arkheii
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:37
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I am usually interested in poems, but only short poems. Long ones get too tedious. It started getting more interesting when the 4 liners started. I know it's partly free-verse but there are some lines which had "too many" syllables. An example of that is the last stanza.

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AlecM
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:43 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 04:45
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"I think you'll get along with people more when you realise that truth and lies are completely relative. You think of christians just as they think of you. Both think the other has their eyes closed. Stop trying to hammer your truth into them-- you're far worse than some of the worst bible-thumpers I've known."

Although I agree with that, there is a fine line between expressing an opinion and arrogance.

I think this poem is passive enough that its more of an opinion. However if he knocked on someones door 9:00am and made them listen it would be different. Also hes not telling people that they will be punished for there beliefs.

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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:44
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Man, this isn't at all long in comparison to some I read in Creative Writing this year. But that's what got me into writing poetry (more) - that class. Ever since I can't stop writing, I love to do it.

Thanks for the feedback.


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Arkheii
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:45
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Let me guess, your teacher let you watch Dead Poets Society?

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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:46
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No, we didn't watch any movies, but we read a lot of poetry aloud.


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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:47
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Here's my poem, that by reading this, you acknowledge you will not copy this!

The Music Box

Is it broken?
It does not play,
Yet the haunting tune seems to say:
"There is no time, doesn't it seem
That all life is is a bitter dream?"
Then my eyes open, only to see the light
That humanity has turned to blight.
THERE IS NO MUSIC BOX.
But there is...sometimes it's here, sometimes it's not.
I crank the wheel, I sit and lay,
I hear what it does not play,
I crank the wheel, it doesn't care;
I'm trapped in its nightmare.

Then comes tomorrow and you're a little shorter of your breath and one day closer to your death...
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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:48
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Impressive! Get quite a feeling with the last word - "nightmare". Very gothic mood to it. Good job


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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:49
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thanks

Then comes tomorrow and you're a little shorter of your breath and one day closer to your death...
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Arkheii
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 04:49
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Well done I suck at poetry writing.

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Ian T
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 05:28
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Quote: "@Mouse: I'm not trying to hammer "my truth" into anyone. Frankly I don't know what truth is, I'm searching for it.

Also, I would like it if you base your response solely on the poem. What you think you know about me and what you actually know about me are two different things, I assure you. "


I'm far more perceptive than you think-- I still think that I know what I know about the real you .

Cattle-> LOL.

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I am the chainsaw paladin.
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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 05:31
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Quote: "I still think that I know what I know about the real you"


That line confused me, but ok. Not much I can do about that.


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Slayer
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 05:33 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 05:33
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So how many people are Christians here?

Im one, Ive ben one for 15 years now.

I dont know how to spell
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Arkheii
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 05:36
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Slayer, how old are you? 15 yrs old?

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Slayer
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 05:40 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 05:40
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No 18, Why you ask?

I dont know how to spell
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Ian T
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Does that mean you were baptised at 3, or converted at 3

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Slayer
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 06:05 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 06:06
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Well I started chirch at the age 3 and was never baptised.
But sometime in my 20s im going to get baptised.

I dont know how to spell
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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 06:05
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian.


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Slayer
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 06:07 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 06:07
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Thats right. All you have to do is believe in Jesus.

I dont know how to spell
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Jeku
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That's not all---- I think most people believe in Jesus the man, I mean, that he actually existed and walked the earth. Every major religion believes he existed.

Being a Christian is knowing the he's the son of God, died for your sins and rose from the dead---- and you acknowledge that by his grace we can go to heaven---- and you ask him to be a part of your life.

I don't believe you are required to go to church. I don't believe in forcing doctrine down people's throat. I also don't believe you'll go to hell for making human mistakes, as it's impossible not to do them. I also don't believe in "religion" per se, but a personal relationship. That's pretty easy if you ask me.

My $0.02

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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 06:50 Edited at: 8th Feb 2004 19:36
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i agree with jeku

Take a look to the sky just before you die

---For Whom The Bell Tolls, Metallica
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Chris K
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 12:46
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Where's Dazzag gone??

All of these poems remind me of 'Excalibur'

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Jimmy
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Cattle Rustler WISHES he was Mormon.

A little late, I know, but at least I can sleep tonight.

http://www.dbspot.com/ - Free subdomain hosting. Unlimited space/transfer. It's nice, I like it, you should too!
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Slayer
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 23:00
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Quote: "Being a Christian is knowing the he's the son of God, died for your sins and rose from the dead---- and you acknowledge that by his grace we can go to heaven---- and you ask him to be a part of your life.

I don't believe you are required to go to church. I don't believe in forcing doctrine down people's throat. I also don't believe you'll go to hell for making human mistakes, as it's impossible not to do them. I also don't believe in "religion" per se, but a personal relationship. That's pretty easy if you ask me.
"


Thats exactly right. I should have explaind myself a little more.

I dont know how to spell
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HZence
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Posted: 8th Feb 2004 23:16
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Yeah, because when you said "I've been going to Church since I was three", that implied that you indeed did not know what being a "true" Christian is. However, you've explained yourself.

For all those who get annoyed with things like this - I hate to drag on the subject of religion, but let me assure you my intentions are good. I'm seeking truth myself, and I love hearing the opinions of others. So if you have anything at all to say, just chime in.


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Slayer
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Posted: 9th Feb 2004 00:13
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I bet if you read the bible you would see things a little differently.

I dont know how to spell
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Dazzag
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Posted: 9th Feb 2004 00:31
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Quote: "Where's Dazzag gone??"

Dude, I was asleep. And it being sunday, well I was obviously watching the football

That and the snooker, which is rubbish at the minute (misstastic).

Cheers

Ps. Excalibur by Dabid Brent

I froze your tears and made a dagger
And stabbed it in my cock
forever
It stays there like Excalibur
Are you my Arthur?
Say you are

Take this cool dark steeled blade
Steal it, sheath it
In your lake
I drown with you to be together
Must you breathe?
Cos I need Heaven


Go to a poetry writing club, and it's pretty much all about backslapping suckup losers. Did one at the start of Uni back in the early 90's. Me and my mate got up half way through and buggered off down the pub for a good few bevvies. It was friday night for god's sake!!!! One thing I did notice was to impress arty tosspots then go on like a prat for a while, and swear like no tomorrow for about one line of the entire poem, then carry on with depressing monotony. And if you *have* to rythme (Rupert or Tarquin wouldn't like it) then make it so in a clever way. ie. it doesn't really rythme. Interestingly the *real* RPG club (plastic swords 'n stuff) are pretty much the same people with the *same* attitudes. Heh. Only went there once when I had a *really* bad hangover...

I am 99% probably lying in bed right now... so don't blame me for crappy typing
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HZence
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Posted: 9th Feb 2004 00:37
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Quote: "I bet if you read the bible you would see things a little differently."


Remember back to when I said Christians assume things about non-believers? This is what I am talking about. You assumed because I don't believe that Christianity is true, I don't read the bible.

On the contrary. Just two weeks ago I read straight through revelations, and I still read the bible off and on. In fact, there are one or two copies in my room right now. I think you'd be surprised how many Christians don't read the bible; or, when they do, they're in a Church and just following the speaker.

Bottom line: never assume.

Thank you.


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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 9th Feb 2004 01:16 Edited at: 9th Feb 2004 01:16
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6 years ago I read the bible. it was a kid's bible. i don't go to church on sundays. i don't assume anything about nonchristians besides they might be offended if at every waking moment i was throwing a bible in their facei have questioned my faith before

Take a look to the sky just before you die

---For Whom The Bell Tolls, Metallica
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Ian T
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Posted: 9th Feb 2004 17:05
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Quote: "Every major religion believes he existed."


WOAH! Huge faulty assumption there. 'every major religion' from a Christian standpoint only encompassess various types of Christians, of course, but every major religion does not believe he existed. Hinduism sure as all heckout dosen't and there are 700 million of them-- I think that's pretty major. The various pagan and wiccan religions and their factions don't, and while you can file them off as cults if you prefer, their practices predate Christianity by millenia.

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Lord Ozzum
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Posted: 10th Feb 2004 00:18
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most credible istorians believe thta wicca sarted in the 1900s

Take a look to the sky just before you die

---For Whom The Bell Tolls, Metallica
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