Quote: "I found the style you used to write it annoying, a lot of repeating. I've seen this style of writing before somewhere, I think he used more complicated words and avoided repeating nouns and verbs."
I understand avoiding repeating nouns, but you can't avoid verbs. What's that leave you with, adverbs?
I don't think that's quite what you meant. Anyways, I'll look into cleaning up word choice, it wasn't really something I covered when I editted, so it might be a good thing to go back on. I have no problem beating it to death until its just right. In most cases, repitition here is used to build the whole story into almost a song. Constantly changing faster and slower portions build emphasis and emotion to it. The inconsistensy itself is part of its theme in a sense. Sort of like choaking on air when crying or something to that degree(but don't hold me to that
) I in general avoided longer words because they constrict the rhythm, but I don't atually think that would be an issue. The better reason is RD doesn't have the most complex vocabulary, and the story refers to her the whole way through, but it isn't 1st person. Maybe a bit of sophistication would be good for it. OR maybe you're just not a fan the style at all, but honestly, those 1st couple paragraphs were just killing me. They went a bit overboard, but set up the rest of the story. The styling is so thick and overdone it lets the rest of the story smooth out as it goes... But, well, what do you think?
swis
No, it's not pokemon.
Joined: Tues Dec 16th 2008