I finished reading Allegrezza!
My feedback does not intend to offend or otherwise disapprove of any of your work. I intend to give you constructive criticism and suggestions for improvement.
Overall it was a most enjoyable read. CoffeeGrunt has a very powerful descriptive language and vocabulary, along with hilarious humor; I laughed hard at least 4 times.
Although beautifully written, I feel the story lacks some content and drags at places, which almost put me off finishing it. The whole Octy/Vinyl setup, a posh, high-standard pony meets and conflicts with a downmarket pony, was a superb idea, however there either just weren't enough conflicts, or the conficts weren't serious enough. I feel there should have been a scene where Octy almost breaks up with Vinyl because of something horrible Vinyl did to their relationship, or similar, to keep the reader gnawing away at his/her fingernails.
Furthermore I feel that the last few pages were written hastily with not enough thought put into it.
*SPOILER* The scene where Vinyl wants to buy a house and live with Octy didn't fit my expectations implied by the paragraphs running up to it. I'd go as far as to say it ruined the scene a bit. I think making them kiss romantically in the moonlight and swearing eternal love would have been sufficient.
*/SPOILER* It must be said though that you did manage to make an excellent comeback and end the story with a good aftertaste.
As mentioned before, the story is incredibly descriptive and well written, the humor is hilarious, I have an overall good impression of it and can certainly recommend reading it.
Writing/Style :
10/10
Content :
7/10
Overall :
8/10
I look forward to reading further work of yours
TheComet
